It's enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind.

Glory never arrives through the front door. She sneaks in uninvited round the back or through an upstairs window while you are sleeping.

A month's salary, deep regret, the telephone number of some foul rehab clinic and my lance was free.

It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind. - About "The Da Vinci Code

Between funny and witty Falls the shadow

It was a Tuesday in February. Many of my life's most awful moments have taken place on Tuesdays. And what is February if not the Tuesday of the year?

Knowing those things are going to kill you," she said, "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave," Tom said, "if immortality were an option.

Nobody seems to understand that in such matters the tact and sympathy should come from the one who is about to die, not the poor bugger who has to take the news.

You don't sit down and write a wish list about the person you are going to fall violently in love with. It just doesn't work like that.

I cannot bear natural light when I'm writing.

Read it wisely, Little One, for the power of ignorance is great.

I also knew that he was the kind of anile little runt who, in foyers and theatre bars the West End over, can be heard bleating into their gin and tonics, "I go to the theatre to be entertained.

Late, Fry?’ ‘Really, sir? So am I.’ ‘Don’t try to be clever, boy.’ ‘Very good, sir. How stupid would you like me to be? Very stupid or only slightly stupid?

[his healing skills] ..lay in the ability to comfort, to comfort in the proper sense, to make strong, to fortify

I think it was Harry Walpole who remarked, "In this life one should try everything once except incest and country dancing.

We keep our insignificant blemishes so that we can blame them for our larger defects.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.