You are who you are when nobody's watching.

The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is just a fucking lunatic.

Self-consciousness, that's what it is. Always my abiding vice. I keep seeing myself. Me watching myself watching others watch me. How do you lose that? What's the trick?

Sometimes there just isn't enough vomit in the world.

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t

How can one not be fond of something that the Daily Mail despises?

A real education takes place, not in the lecture hall or library, but in the rooms of friends, with earnest frolic and happy disputation.

Old professors never die, they just lose their faculties.

I'm fat because I'm greedy, and if my mind is fat it's because I'm curious.

Wine can be a better teacher than ink, and banter is often better than books

Better sexy and racy Than sexist and racist

Seriousness is no more a guarantee of truth, insight, authenticity or probity, than humour is a guarantee of superficiality and stupidity.

Compromise is a stalling between two fools.

Sex without smiling is as sickly and as base as vodka and tonic without ice.

Enthusiats are used to being mocked, maligned and misunderstood. We don't really mind.

You'll often hear the phrase "science doesn't know everything." Well, of course it doesn't know everything. But just because science doesn't know everything doesn't mean that it knows nothing.

I expected the illegible and the deeply buried in me to be read as if carved on my forehead, just as I expected the obvious and the ill-concealed to be hidden from view.

When push-off comes to shove-off, a man must have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, something more than the threat of bedsores, at any rate.

If you have been, I'm glad you've stopped.

In a dung heap, even a plastic bead can gleam like a sapphire.

It was as if he grew his hair long and smoked cigarettes because he liked to, not because he liked being seen to. This was dangerously subversive.

You've just had the most imponderable joy of watching charlieissocoollike, which makes you, like, cool.

You can never hope to recapture the first fine careless rapture

Estate agents: like them or loathe them, you'd be mad not to loathe them.