Funny Quotes
Find one of the best and famous quote catagorized into topics like inspirational, motivations, deep, thoughtful, art, success, passion, frindship, life, love and many more.
"This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"With good parody, you have to be smarter that the people you’re parodying."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Even the incorruptible are corruptible if they cannot accept the possibility of being mistaken. Infallibility is a sin in any man. All laws can be broken and are. Often."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it"
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Congratulations to the NBA champion Boston Celtics - they beat the Los Angeles Lakers by 39 points. Or as Hillary Clinton would say, "Too close to call."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"If you absolutely believe that what you do is right, you're bullet-proof."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"The clocks understood, they kept moving, motion, following the truth that change is the nature of God's mind, and resistance to it is the source of great pain."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I do a public access show with puppets. Puppets called actors, TV and movie stars."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Its like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like Dungeons & Dragons but for cool people who have got friends."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I like to believe that there is an extra warm corner of hell for these fuckers who traffic in emotional misery."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Violence of any kind, once it starts, is like fucking a gorilla-you ain't done till the gorilla's done."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"It turns out that speeding irresponsibly in a large truck, placing personal wealth ahead of the welfare of others, is one of the greatest sins in the Universe...."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn't brave enough to be insane."
Quote by -Craig Ferguson
"I am sick of reasonable people: they see all the reasons for being lazy and doing nothing."
Quote by -George Bernard Shaw
"There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it."
Quote by -George Bernard Shaw
"My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world"
Quote by -George Bernard Shaw
"I think it's funny that we have to answer these things (about Gretzky). After all, the highlight of our lives is playing in the Olympics right now. It's a great opportunity to compete at the highest standard of hockey. So for people to waste their time asking these questions, we just brush them off and move on."
Quote by -Martin Brodeur