Late, Fry?’ ‘Really, sir? So am I.’ ‘Don’t try to be clever, boy.’ ‘Very good, sir. How stupid would you like me to be? Very stupid or only slightly stupid?

[his healing skills] ..lay in the ability to comfort, to comfort in the proper sense, to make strong, to fortify

I think it was Harry Walpole who remarked, "In this life one should try everything once except incest and country dancing.

We keep our insignificant blemishes so that we can blame them for our larger defects.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.