Compromise is a stalling between two fools.

Sex without smiling is as sickly and as base as vodka and tonic without ice.

Enthusiats are used to being mocked, maligned and misunderstood. We don't really mind.

You'll often hear the phrase "science doesn't know everything." Well, of course it doesn't know everything. But just because science doesn't know everything doesn't mean that it knows nothing.

I expected the illegible and the deeply buried in me to be read as if carved on my forehead, just as I expected the obvious and the ill-concealed to be hidden from view.

When push-off comes to shove-off, a man must have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings, something more than the threat of bedsores, at any rate.

If you have been, I'm glad you've stopped.

In a dung heap, even a plastic bead can gleam like a sapphire.

It was as if he grew his hair long and smoked cigarettes because he liked to, not because he liked being seen to. This was dangerously subversive.

You've just had the most imponderable joy of watching charlieissocoollike, which makes you, like, cool.

You can never hope to recapture the first fine careless rapture

Estate agents: like them or loathe them, you'd be mad not to loathe them.

It's enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind.

Glory never arrives through the front door. She sneaks in uninvited round the back or through an upstairs window while you are sleeping.

A month's salary, deep regret, the telephone number of some foul rehab clinic and my lance was free.

It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind. - About "The Da Vinci Code

Between funny and witty Falls the shadow

It was a Tuesday in February. Many of my life's most awful moments have taken place on Tuesdays. And what is February if not the Tuesday of the year?

Knowing those things are going to kill you," she said, "and still you do it." "How differently I might behave," Tom said, "if immortality were an option.

Nobody seems to understand that in such matters the tact and sympathy should come from the one who is about to die, not the poor bugger who has to take the news.

You don't sit down and write a wish list about the person you are going to fall violently in love with. It just doesn't work like that.

I cannot bear natural light when I'm writing.

Read it wisely, Little One, for the power of ignorance is great.

I also knew that he was the kind of anile little runt who, in foyers and theatre bars the West End over, can be heard bleating into their gin and tonics, "I go to the theatre to be entertained.