Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.

The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is what should be. Now, if you're taught to live up to a what should be that never existed - only an occult superstition, no proof of this should be - then you can sit on a jury and indict easily, you can cast the first stone, you can burn Adolf Eichmann, like that!

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed - spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.

Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is - One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.

...Catholicism is like Howard Johnson, and what they have are these franchises and they give all these people different franchises in the different countries but they have one government, and when you buy the Howard Johnson franchise you can apply it to the geography - whatever's cool for that area - and then you, you know, pay the bread to the main office.

You are a white. The Imperial Wizard. Now, if you don't think this is logic you can burn me on the fiery cross. This is the logic: You have the choice of spending fifteen years married to a woman, a black woman or a white woman. Fifteen years kissing and hugging and sleeping real close on hot nights. With a black, black woman or a white, white woman. The white woman is Kate Smith. And the black woman is Lena Horne. So you're not concerned with black or white anymore, are you? You are concerned with how cute or how pretty. Then let's really get basic and persecute ugly people!

Darwin's theory is as dead as he is. Everyone is surviving, fit or not. Years ago, any kid dumb enough to chase a shiny object down a well was dead, and out of the gene pool. Now they got the technology and medicine to save the fool so he can breed more open mouth breathers.

If you're from New York and you're Catholic, you're still Jewish. If you're from Butte Montana and you're Jewish, you're still goyisch. The Air Force is Jewish, the Marine Corps dangerous goyisch. Rye Bread is Jewish, instant potatoes, scary goyisch. Eddie Cantor is goyisch, George Jessel is goyisch-Coleman Hawkins is Jewish.

Koolaid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish, and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes - goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are very Jewish - very Jewish cake. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them.

When you are given an opportunity to make a film like 'Body of Lies' - and I would put 'Blood Diamond' in the same category - of course you jump at these opportunities.

I don't know if I'm more confident than ever before, because I definitely had confidence when I was starting out. Maybe I have less confidence now that I did then.

I've never done drugs. That's because I saw this stuff literally every day when I was 3 or 4 years old.

I saw all the moral decay you could, beginning at 2 years old. But I also got to see how the other half lived.

I love science fiction, but I have a hard time feeling for characters in a galaxy far away. Choosing movies is the one thing in my life where there's no compromising.

I haven't died in a movie in a while,'The Departed,' 'Body of Lies,' 'Revolutionary Road,' 'Shutter Island' and 'Inception.' I guess I did die in 'The Departed.'

I went to a concert once when I was a little kid and ran up onstage, started dancing, started saying anything that came to my head. I was like a little vaudevillian.

My friends have named me the person they least want to do extreme adventures with, because I always seem to be very close to being part of a disaster. If a cat has nine lives, I think I've used a few.

I love scuba diving, and I've been up and down the Amazon.

Hopefully I've gotten better as an actor as the years have gone on, but the type of work I want to do has never changed.

I play fictitious characters often solving fictitious problems. I believe mankind has looked at climate change in the same way, as if it were a fiction.

I just really love doing what I do. I know every career is fleeting and there will be time periods when I don't get the opportunities that I'm getting right now, so I am taking advantage of them.

I'm just starting to scratch the surface of what really makes me happy and it's taken me a while to admit that acting like a little child and being a jerk and a punk is fun.

School, I never truly got the knack of. I could never focus on things I didn't want to learn.

Being dubbed as a hunk sort of annoys me. It gives me a yucky feeling.

I just want to keep doing what I'm doing and hopefully people will watch my movies.

I am friends with Demi. Don't believe anything you read.

If I want to go to a party with a few male friends, it doesn't mean I'm gay.

I've never been Romeo who meets a girl and falls for her immediately. It's been a much slower process for me each time I've gone into a relationship.

The role of Rimbaud is one of the most important roles to play for a young actor.

The good thing about acting is that it always keeps you on your toes... It's not like any other job where you can go in and do the same thing as yesterday.

I couldn't deal with playing a character who rides motorcycles and has a leather jacket and is a tough kid, y'know?

I didn't know what types of movies I wanted to do. I want to do things that are different. I want to take my time with each role.

I've been planted here to be a vessel for acting... That's why I'm really taking any part, regardless of how complicated it's going to be.

Portraying emotionally ill characters gives me the chance to really act.

I was always the kid in school who tried to get attention, not necessarily the class clown, but I'd do little unexpected performances.

Don't think for a moment that I'm really like any of the characters I've played. I'm not. That's why it's called 'acting'.

I like to be able to play a character and act out a lot of things which I can't or don't do in my normal everyday life.

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing all the hype that's written about you... Who knows? In a couple of years, you might find me in the loony bin!

I was a bit of a loudmouth, and I was in an environment where the elements aligned to have kids smack the hell outta me once in a while.

I am not of the vein of actors - and I will not pretend to be one - that takes my character home with me. I don't.

I really hate relaxing. I've done three movies in a row, worked for two years straight, and to me, idle time is the devil's workshop. I like to focus on something.

If a studio is going to offer me the opportunity to invite my mother and grandmother and all my friends to visit me free of charge in Thailand, I'm going to take that opportunity.

I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer, and then when we met, I couldn't look her in the eye.

To be honest, I'm not really prepared to do a musical, simply because I think I have a pretty atrocious voice.

I have a production company,; I have a foundation. I have a lot of responsibilities. Not family - just a lot of responsibilities.