“—What is a ghost? Stephen said with tingling energy. One who has faded into impalpability through death, through absence, through change of manners.”

“What is home without Plumtree's Potted Meat? Incomplete.”

“That is god... A shout in the street,' Stephen answered...”

“Every life is many days, day after day. We walk through ourselves, meeting robbers, ghosts, giants, old men, young men, wives, widows, brothers-in-love, but always meeting ourselves.”

“This is the way to the museyroom. Mind your boots goan out.”

“To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to recreate life out of life.”

“He found trivial all that was meant to charm him and did not answer the glances which invited him to be bold.”

“I smiled at him. America, I said quietly, just like that. What is it? The sweepings of every country including our own. Isn't that true? That's a fact.”

“The pity is that the public will demand and find a moral in my book, or worse they may take it in some serious way, and on the honour of a gentleman, there is not one single serious word in it.”

“The pity is that the public will demand and find a moral in my book, or worse they may take it in some serious way, and on the honour of a gentleman, there is not one single serious word in it.”

“It wounded him to think that he would never be but a shy guest at the feast of the world's culture.”

“...her who whose beauty is not like earthly beauty, dangerous to look upon, but like the morning star which is its emblem, bright and musical.”

“Do you know what Ireland is?' asked Stephen with cold violence. 'Ireland is the old sow that eats her farrow.”

“Why is it that words like these seem to me so dull and cold? Is it because there is no word tender enough to be your name?”

“What proposal did Bloom, diambulist, father of Milly, somnambulist, make to Stephen, noctambulist?”

“What proposal did Bloom, diambulist, father of Milly, somnambulist, make to Stephen, noctambulist?”

“He used to call her Poppens out of fun.”

“Well, you know or don't you kennet or haven't I told you every

“But he was not sick there. He thought that he was sick in his heart if you could be sick in that place.”

“Any object, intensely regarded, may be a gate of access to the incorruptible eon of the gods.”

“I fear more than that the chemical action which would be set up in my soul by a false homage to a symbol behind which are massed twenty centuries of authority and veneration.”

“Look at the woebegone walk of him. Eaten a bad egg. Poached eyes on ghost.”

“This in no life for man or woman, insults and hatred and history.”

“When I find a lady who is content with her own picture I will send a bouquet to the Pope”

“Tell me. Tell me with your eyes.”

“The peace of the gardens and the kindly lights in the windows poured a tender influence into his restless heart.”

“He passes, struck by the stare of truculent Wellington but in the convex mirror grin unstruck the bonham eyes and fatchuck cheekchops of Jollypoldy the rixdix doldy.”

“He read the verses backwards but then they were not poetry.”

“between them he felt an unknown and timid pressure, darker than the swoon of sin, softer than sound or odour.”

“How mingled and imperfect are all our sublunary joys!”

“Phall if you but will, rise you must.”

“So he had sunk to the state of a beast that licks his chaps after meat.”

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.