I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.

It's very hard for a woman in comedy. It's hard for women to be bold and not care what anyone, particularly men, think. Maybe that is why so many women comics are lesbians.

Comedy was all I ever wanted.

I really love Steve Martin and all the stuff he did in the '70s. I think it's really great.

I love singing and that's kind of my new thing.

I think reality television is such a special talent.

I love fashion, I'm actually a pretty talented seamstress, so I can make stuff for myself, but that's really time-consuming.

I love New York. I love working here.

You don't need people to tell you how beautiful you are on there.

Why go through life feeling cheated? It does nothing but make you bitter.

I will never stop complaining.

Grow up and let anyone try to contend with the adult you.

Comedy was the key to everything. I grew up fast and controlled my future by bringing it on faster than it naturally unfolded. I cheated myself out of a childhood but then got a running headstart into adulthood that no one else could keep up with.

We women are constantly at war with our bodies, it is hard to find amnesty for ourselves.

I think that all bodies are beautiful in millions of different ways but I get down on myself too!

I think the best way to get over your body issues is to just flaunt your body at every opportunity.

Babies got it going on!

I think it is time for all babies to let us know who they want for president.

I have 3 dogs myself - I actually have a kennel license in order to do so. I love them so much I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I love animals.

I think it is really sad that when people lose their homes they kind of lose their minds too.

I am a big 'Ellen' fan. I have been one for quite a long time now. I used to do the local news talk shows with her in San Francisco, when we were both still kids.

My life is anything but typical.

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.

Interventions are really emotionally exhausting and I would never ever want to have one. In the same way, I would never want to have a surprise birthday party. That would be horrible.

I have permanent damage to my body because I wanted to be thin.

I didn't appreciate the young woman that I was, or my young beauty, because I was so obsessed with the fact that I felt fat. It's never good to add to anybody else's suffering. It's an important topic to really get the gravity and the importance of - dealing with dignity.

I don't have children, and I am not sure if I have wanted them or never wanted them. It's weird not to be able to decide.

I have a box of awards in the closet. I think it is weird to put them out. I might if I had an Emmy or Oscar, but I don't.

My history in show business spans over a quarter of a century, and I have seen many people in the industry struggle with coming out, only to find much more success after they finally did.

I'm not a mom, but I think the word 'mother' is about wisdom.

My parents never really had that much money, so I kind of live in the same world that they do.

Tattooing is my social life, too, so most of my time is taken up with that. People like Henry Lewis, Mike Davis at Everlasting Tattoo.

The best tattooists are in San Francisco, and they're kind of like my family now. I'm always excited to come back to San Francisco.

I do love the road, because for me, the road is very comfortable, and it's very much what I've always wanted to do. It's one of the most appealing things about comedy for me, so I do really have an affection for it.

I went to a performance-art high school, and a teacher there was signing me up for open-mic nights at the comedy club. I think about it now, and I think, 'Well, that may be inappropriate,' but it was great!'

One place that I really feel comfortable is being a comedienne. I'm very socially inept. There's so many things that I can not do in life, and this is, like, the one thing that I have mastery over. It's my world. And anybody who's coming to the show, it's like they're coming because they know that this is my world.

The fall season brings Thanksgiving and the beginning of the holiday season. Sharing meals with family and friends are a key element of this joyful time of the year. We are faced with an abundance of food, and can easily gain extra pounds as a result.

Drinking water to quench thirst instead of sugar-sweetened beverages is important for weight control, and overall health.

How did we cure polio, smallpox and send a man to the moon? How did we decode the human genome in just 13 years? Collaboration. Focus on a specific goal, and teamwork.

Cooking simple, delicious meals at home is the key to maintaining your family's healthy eating habits.

Whether we are Democrats or Republicans, all Americans can agree that our health care costs are unsustainable - and the sooner we acknowledge that, the better.

Throughout the world, cancer affects the rich and poor, especially where cigarette smoking is rampant.

Our cattle, poultry and fish should not be exposed to antibiotics or hormones that will be harmful to their human consumers.

During the holiday season, try substituting a cranberry and club soda spritzer, or water with lemon or lime instead of an alcoholic beverage. You'll be saving calories, and reducing your cancer risk.

Whenever possible, organic produce, fish, poultry, eggs, and other products are preferred.

Between 10 P. M. and 11 P. M. is the optimal time to begin sleeping.

Too many women are dying needlessly from ovarian cancer.

An abnormality on a mammogram can turn a woman's life upside down, even if no cancer is ultimately found. At the very least, she will have to undergo more tests, usually with a biopsy as a first step. The procedure takes its toll in time and money and even more so in the stress it introduces into a woman's life.

If there is even a possibility that BPA may be disrupting the endocrine systems of children, adolescents, and adults, and may be carcinogenic for humans as it is for mice, it should be removed from consumer products.