"No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful."

"Only I can change my life. No one can do "it "for me."

"Comedy = tragedy + time."

"Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own."

"You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That's an education in itself."

"When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go."

"Because nobody goes though life without a scar."

"Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing."

"It's also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I've been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That's why we're here, after all, to help others."

"When things are a disappointment, try not to be so discouraged."

"I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas."

"I'm so happy with what has happened in my life."

"We don't stop going to school when we graduate."

"Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head."

"We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted."

"Because nobody goes through life without a scar."

"I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that."

"I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don't work out, that's when I've really learned."

"I liked myself better when I wasn't me."

"I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there."

"Cavort, dear, just cavort"

"I wanted to be on Broadway, but in musical comedy."

"When I was little I would always stand in front of a mirror and cross my eyes. Then my mother would come in and say, "Stop that, nothing will ever come of it!"

"I think the reason I was successful is that I was never cynical."

"My grandmother and I would go see movies, and we'd come back to the apartment - we had a one-room apartment in Hollywood - and I would kind of lock myself in this little dressing room area with a cracked mirror on the door and act out what I had just seen."

"I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?"

"I eat very well, and I do Pilates."

"I had always been quiet and studious in school. I was the high school editor of the newspaper."

"I never felt cynical, and I never felt that I couldn't do what I wanted to do."

"I didn't really get comfortable until I got to UCLA, and I had to take an acting course because I was studying theater arts."

"I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland."

"It's not a bad thing to be able to do many things onstage. If you're an entertainer, you should be able to entertain. I'm proud to say that I'm not a one-trick pony."

"When I was starting out in this business, that was the norm. You did it all. You looked around, and entertainers could dance, sing, play the piano, act, make you laugh."

"I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it."

"I love to write. I have always loved writing. That was my first love."

"When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen."

"You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn."

"Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn."

"Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"Adolescence is just one big walking pimple."

"I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that."

"I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism."

"I love 'Modern Family.' And I love 'Glee' - the singing, the music - Jane Lynch just kills me."

"I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever."

"My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story."