"In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door."

"I do the 'New York Times' crossword puzzle every morning to keep the old grey matter ticking."

"My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved."

"Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell."

"It all happened the way it was supposed to. I wouldn't change anything. I had such a great run."

"I'm not a person who likes to confront."

"Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief."

"My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run."

"You know, one wonderful thing that came out of my Enquirer experience is that, in my case, it was ruled tabloids are magazines. Which means they didn't have the protection that a newspaper has."

"My interesting diet tips are eat early and don't nosh between meals. I mean, I can pack it away."

"I'm into 'House of Cards.' 'Breaking Bad' - my God, did I binge on that!"

"My preference is for people who can do sketch comedy or situational comedy, where it's not a joke, but it's telling a story."

"I'm like your mother, your sister, whatever."

"Adolescence is just one big walking pimple."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that."

"You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn."

"But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh."

"It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington."

"Edgy is fine - I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination - but what's wrong with a good ol' belly laugh? I miss that."

"You have to really want it, and don't take it personally if you don't get a job. Because sometimes you're not the type. And sometimes it's somebody else's turn."

"When I went to New York to try and make it, I never thought it wouldn't happen."

"I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it."