My mother wanted me to join the Indian army, as the army was seen as a decent and respectable career to have. I shocked my mother by telling her that I wanted to be a writer.

I suppose in the long run, it's the good work that outlasts the shoddy work, but there's enough room for all kinds of writing.

No, I don't want to be a brand. Brand means I cannot go out for a quiet walk without tourists and fans constantly following me.

I may not have become a good writer, but I managed to make a living out of writing.

I enjoy writing personal essays in the way of Charles Lamb because it goes back to the school days when I was good in writing essays.

If you live in America, you need a gun, and I am not very fast with a gun, so I think I would walk out very quickly.

I'm rather fond of my awards.

The ghost story is a popular genre of mine and is particularly adaptable to the visual media.

If I'm really immersed in a story, I try to finish it in a few days. If it's a longer work, then it would take a few months.

It is okay to experiment with language. Writers such as James Joyce, Virginia Woolf experimented with writing, but basically, one must have a familiarity with the language. And to have that, one must respect it.

Holidays can become tedious without something to read.

I always look for a bookshop wherever I go.

In India, not enough importance is given to writing for children. And what could be more important than the enrichment of young minds with great literature?

The books that I wrote in my late teens and 20s, the little love stories, they were right from the heart.

The older you get, the lesser you are bothered by what others think.

I'm quite good at talking about things I care about.

You can make bleak things funny but if you're glib about it, it doesn't work.

Whenever I come to Ireland, I end up just bantering with the crowd so the show will just be what it is.

I get panic attacks about dying, it's terrible. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain goes 'you're going to die, you're going to die, you're going to die.'

I spent a lot of my childhood sat on a wall thinking, waiting for my mum to pick me up.

My Mum is not used to being in-front of camera.

Whenever the word 'weird' is mentioned it can only be an insult.

I'm happy when I'm working.

Neither me or my wife are any good at cooking.

I'm not really a cake man. I'm more a savoury guy.

Oddly, I am really cool under pressure.

I don't like doing things badly, that just feels like a waste of a day.

There's a club called Headliners in Chiswick where I do a lot of my warmups for tours. For me it's a nice 'big-small' room: it's a 300 seater, which feels small but you can still get big laughs.

In the summer Regent's Park is one of the best places in the world with every nationality playing every sport.

The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things.

It's really frustrating when you write a show and it's really funny and someone and from Standards and Decency says, 'You can't put that in because it has a naughty word.'

I never really wanted to be on telly.

I worked in a watercress bed, picking weeds out of watercress when I was at school. It was awful.

I found out recently that my 'Good News' show has a big following in North Korea and the Vatican City! Who knew Kim Jong-un and the Pope liked fast-paced satire?

I did a stand-up performance on Conan O'Brian, which was great, but it's not for me. I prefer England.

But I did break my mum's heart, because I turned down 'Strictly' twice. I just couldn't do it. It's not for me.

I'm trying to write a film with my friend. I'd love to get the thrill of speaking actors making my work even funnier.

I don't really have a political agenda, I just like things to be fair - I get angered by pomposity and privilege.

I always found it strange, when I went round to other people's houses for tea and that, how strict their parents were.

My mum is unwittingly funny.

I like New York, I think you've got some of the best comics in the world here.

'Monty Python' was never on TV in the U.K. when I was a kid.

Chappelle is incredible. He is comfy on stage and he talks about big things and small things. He's a version of himself. That's what I've always wanted to be and hopefully I still am.

Seinfeld' was never a show in the U.K.

Like most comedians, I have crippling low self-esteem, so I always think that what I've just done is rubbish.

When you are doing stand up, it is the most glorious hour, when you are an X-Men version of yourself, with lasers coming out of your eyes.

I've never been on Facebook. My page is run for me. It is the same with Twitter.

My life is quite normal and for me it helps with my comedy. If you jump headlong into celebrity life it affects who you are and what you talk about.

Your country becomes funnier the further you are from it. I remember seeing Boris Johnson on the news when I was in Hong Kong, and he looked so much more ridiculous.

The number of old ladies who've beaten me up on TV is absolutely ridiculous.