Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

"It does help to actually realize that however stunning the person who is, you know, fluttering eyelashes at you, she doesn't do anything to match up to your wife."

"People have the idea of missionaries as going out with the Bible and hitting natives with it. It's not really what they were doing. They were all doing something rather different."

"People have the idea of missionaries as going out with the Bible and hitting natives with it. It's not really what they were doing. They were all doing something rather different."

"Whenever you take on playing a villain, he has to cease to be a villain to you. If you judge this man by his time, he's doing very little wrong."

"I have a kind of neutrality, physically, which has helped me. I have a face that can be made to look a lot better - or a lot worse."

"I'll be your friend so long as you're not crap"

"My parents and grandparents have always been engaged in teaching or the medical profession or the priesthood, so I've sort of grown up with a sense of complicity in the lives of other people, so there's no virtue in that; it's the way one is raised."

"Forget trying to be sexy. That's just gruesome."

"People coming up and saying something nice is always welcome. But when you're being secretly photographed, that's not so nice. I would rather shake hands with someone and exchange a few words than take a selfie."

"I absolutely don't care about my looks and I'm so used to them that I wouldn't change a thing. I would end up missing my defects."

"To be bothered wherever you go - it's not a rational thing to want at all."

"There’s a paradox to most things in life. Acting is often dressing up in frocks and chasing your ego, but that doesn’t mean you don’t take it seriously."

"My grandmother was a minister as well, which was not that common in the 1930s."

"I would rather five people knew my work and thought it was good work than five million knew me and were indifferent."

"I'm not patient, and some things drive me crazy. In my work, I get incredibly upset when people don't get it right or don't respect others' needs."

"You have to be ill if you want to get better."

"The thing is that anybody looks good in the right clothes. It will affect your bearing. It will affect your demeanor. It informs the way you behave."

"I haven't had to struggle very much. I haven't paid my dues. I think I have been lucky."

"If you don't mind haunting the margins, I think there is more freedom there."

"I enjoy playing Mr. Darcy, but I'm not hungry to play Mark Darcy again."

"Something like 'A Single Man,' it was tiny; it was financed by one guy. We all lost money doing it."

"I think it's quite extraordinary that people cast me as if I'm Warren Beatty: until I met my present wife, at the age of 35, you could name two girlfriends."

"If I were to write a book about the progress of getting to a third film, it would be a long one."