I always wore a hat. They were gonna throw me out of high school because I wouldn't take my hat off. But it was just a deep insecurity about my awful hair.

Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse.

Anyone who can't tell the difference between a joke and hate speech is just stupid.

It's nice to have funny friends. I like watching my friends perform.

You know, Americans think that they're such progessive and free thinkers, but we're as uptight as any other country when it comes to speech and language and content.

There are just some things that I don't think jokes are good for.

I hate a well-lit room.

I like to keep busy, because otherwise I'd be languishing by myself.

You can't apologize for who you are on a stage, you can reveal who you are but don't apologize because that's begging the audience to turn on you.

Google is not my friend. I've been way too open in my career. Google has killed any shot I have on the dating apps.

You can't worry about saying something that will get you in trouble because the line changes so fast. If you try to navigate it, you will not only suck but eventually say something stupid and get yourself dumb anyway.

It's really the old question: Does art inspire life or does life inspire art? Maybe it's a combination of both. But Trump represented something. He didn't create what we are. He comes from what we are. And he's a representative of what we are, whether we like it or not. He's just not our better nature.

My job is to be funny.

I am a degenerate, and I know that.

Trevor Noah is a great, relevant young comic, and Comedy Central is smart to stand by him.

The one curse in America is that we deny who we really are and what we like.

I am a really bad boyfriend.

Communicate and just be open with each other. Have an unpleasant talk once in a while so it does not turn into a festering resentment, which is inevitable. It has happened with every girlfriend I have ever had.

Wherever I go, there is definitely my audience. I would say in some places there's more of them than others, but it's one advantage to performing for a long time and building up kind of a reputation with a certain crowd.

I unloaded trucks for a living and I hated it.

People say that Americans trends are transient, but the one activity we never seem to tire of is being outraged. Boy, do we love it!

I get bored really fast.

I know that I have a good career and I'm really busy, but there's always that part of my mind that's like, 'You're not doing enough, nobody knows you're alive, you're failing.'

The media is a very necessary thing in our country to keep people honest.

I like being single.

I once had a therapist fall asleep on me. That really wrecks your self-esteem.

I have exposed so much of my own real life. Like I feel like I always try to be honest and I always try to talk about where I am at and what I want.

Being 'edgy' is not just cursing. There are some things socially that are just not acceptable to make fun of. Anything with race, they really won't let you do on TV unless it's completely soft.

I've done 'Letterman' twice and he was friendly, he said hello as he was shaking your hand and in front of the audience, but you never spoke to him before or after.

Lenny Bruce did clean TV. You have to be able to do that, I think, to succeed because if you want to promote something, you go on 'The Tonight Show' or 'Letterman' or whatever, you can't be dirty.

Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly.

Language in comedy is very violent.

Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.

The more disgruntled the white people are, the happier they are to see me, that has to be it. I do really well in Boston, I do really well in Cleveland, I do really well in Philly, Jersey, certain parts of Florida. Places where there are really really aggressive white people tend to love me.

It's not a hard job, radio or standup, there are hard parts of it, sure. There are guys who do ten hours of construction a day don't want to hear me talk about my job being difficult. Compared to what a lot of people do, this is genuinely easy.

I'm not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event.

It's fun to pick the worst jokes you can think of.

Anything you can do that's self-destructive in Vegas, whatever that is, I do it.

I love doing the radio, and it's different every day. But stand-up is just you and the immediate reaction of the audience. So I love both.

I'd like to get my own TV show on, whether it's a talk show or a comedy, that I write.

Obviously I'm 100-percent for freedom of expression.

Every comic says things that are going to offend someone, so we all have to defend each other with this stuff.

Americans have always been inconsistent and kind of fake with outrage, but we've just slipped totally upside-down.

I'm very careful with my money.

I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy.

If the show is going really well and the comedian is still annoyed with the audience, chances are he's a Boston comic. That's the beauty of Boston comics.

Ozzy Osbourne is one of my favorite interviews, he's so good.

If I leave the mike in the stand, my hands absolutely move more. I'm not sure if it's a conscious thing.

I think people like to label everything. I just think it's comfortable.

I have cowlicks, so my hair has always been a source of torture for me.