Obedience brings blessings.

We learn from the hard taskmaster of experience. We discern between good and evil. We differentiate as to the bitter and the sweet. We discover that decisions determine destiny.

The world is a stage of excitement There's danger whatever you do. But if you are tempted in weakness, Have courage, my boy, to say "no.

We live so far below the level of our divine possibilities.

I testify that when we do all we can to accomplish the work that is before us, the Lord will make available to us the sacred key needed to unlock the treasure which we so much seek.

The mantle of leadership is not the cloak of comfort but rather the robe of responsibility.

It is the immutable law that the more you give away, the more you receive. You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give.

If we lift one weary hand which hangs down, if we bring peace to one struggling soul, if we give as did the Master, we can—by showing the way—become a guiding star for some lost mariner.

Let us relish life as we live it and… find joy in the journey.

Blame keeps wounds open, only forgiveness heals.

Whatever ideals we would impress upon others we must first have realized in ourselves.

How does one magnify a calling? Simply by performing the service that pertains to it.

How you speak and the words you use tell much about the image you choose to portray. Use language to build and uplift those around you.

Chose your love, love your choice.

The world in which we live is filled with diversity. We can and should demonstrate respect toward those whose beliefs differ from ours.

Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

Pere Noel. Babbo Natale. Pelznickel. Topo Gigio

I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it's one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they're going to want something from me I can't give, or they're going to hurt me.

I am a thespian trapped in a man's body.

A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad's car. I don't blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don't have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.

I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

I've gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I'm back to a flip-phone. It's funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they're considered antiques.

I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.

Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.

Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.

If it doesn't say Binford on it, somebody else probably made it.

Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.

I have a thing for tools.

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.