We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

If you think the last four words to the national anthem are " gentleman, start your engines", You might be a redneck.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

There's no down time any more.

If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.

If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneck

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I know God is real.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.

I never thought I would do a game show, but now I guess I'm now officially in that genre.

I love comedy. God has given me this platform.

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kind of falls into place.

People who avoid the brick walls - all power to ya, but we all have to hit them sometimes in order to push through to the next level, to evolve.

Cancer affects all of us, whether you're a daughter, mother, sister, friend, coworker, doctor, patient.

I've seen people go through divorces and stuff, crossroads that don't end well. Often.

I've always loved to combine different scents to come up with my own unique thing.

I was always the mediator.

I'm not sitting dwelling about the past or stressing or fretting about something in the future.

I want to see friends more and travel more.

Everybody who has ever been snubbed, you know that is very humiliating.

I feel sexy in my jeans and wearing my boyfriend's T-shirt.

The women that inspire me are the ones who have careers and children; why would I want to limit myself? I've always wanted to have children, and I would never give up that experience for a career. I want to have it all.

I think a good relationship is about collaboration.

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

Yes, I play dress up! I do it for a living, like a retard!

Of course, the ideal scenario for parenting is obviously two parents of a mature age.

Wrinkles happen to human beings.

Realistically speaking, I don't know how many more years I will want to be acting or will be invited to be.

I think when you're off the clock, you should be off the clock.

I've never sat there and plotted out how I was going to become successful or famous.

'Friends' will always remain friends.

I always try to sleep for at least eight hours a night and, of course, water, water, water!

Really try to follow what it is that you want to do and what your heart is telling you to do.

My father and I are friends and my mother and I don't speak. It's a bummer. I miss her.

Free love never works.

I really am pretty happy with what God gave me.