QUOTES by Dorothy Parker

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"(Scottish Terriers) have all the compactness of a small dog and all the valor of a big one. And they are so exceedingly sturdy that it is proverbial that the only thing fatal to them is being run over by an automobile - in which case the car itself knows it has been in a fight."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Pictures pass me in long review,-- Marching columns of dead events. I was tender, and, often, true; Ever a prey to coincidence. Always knew I the consequence; Always saw what the end would be. We're as Nature has made us -- hence I loved them until they loved me."
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"Lady, lady, never start Conversation toward your heart; Keep your pretty words serene; Never murmur what you mean. Show yourself, by word and look, Swift and shallow as a brook. Be as cool and quick to go As a drop of April snow; Be as delicate and gay As a cherry flower in May. Lady, lady, never speak Of the tears that burn your cheek- She will never win him, whose Words had shown she feared to lose. Be you wise and never sad, You will get your lovely lad. Never serious be, nor true, And your wish will come to you- And if that makes you happy, kid, You'll be the first it ever did."
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Dorothy Parker

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"If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Daily dawns another day; I must up, to make my way. Though I dress and drink and eat, Move my fingers and my feet, Learn a little, here and there, Weep and laugh and sweat and swear, Hear a song, or watch a stage, Leave some words upon a page, Claim a foe, or hail a friend- Bed awaits me at the end."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."
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Dorothy Parker

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"The nowadays ruling that no word is unprintable has, I think, done nothing whatever for beautiful letters. ... Obscenity is too valuable a commodity to chuck around all over the place; it should be taken out of the safe on special occasions only."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied."
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Dorothy Parker

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"The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints."
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Dorothy Parker

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"My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, And his eyes are lit with laughter. He is jubilant as a flag unfurled - Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. My own dear love, he is all my world - And I wish I'd never met him."
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Dorothy Parker

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"There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle - Would you kindly direct me to hell?"
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Dorothy Parker

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"Little Words When you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf, Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds; And I can only stare, and shape my grief In little words. I cannot conjure loveliness, to drown The bitter woe that racks my cords apart. The weary pen that sets my sorrow down Feeds at my heart. There is no mercy in the shifting year, No beauty wraps me tenderly about. I turn to little words- so you, my dear, Can spell them out."
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Dorothy Parker

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"My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway of the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams start, Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart, -- And I wish somebody'd shoot him."
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Dorothy Parker

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"There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it."
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Dorothy Parker

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"[On Kay Strozzi in The Silent Witness:] Miss Strozzi ... had the temerity to wear as truly horrible a gown as ever I have seen on the American stage. ... Had she not luckily been strangled by a member of the cast while disporting this garment, I should have fought my way to the stage and done her in, myself."
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Dorothy Parker

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"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
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Dorothy Parker

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"If you looked for things to make you feel hurt and wretched and unnecessary, you were certain to find them ..."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty."
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Dorothy Parker

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"The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem."
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Dorothy Parker

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"A hangover is the wrath of grapes."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I hate writing, I love having written."
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Dorothy Parker

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"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
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Dorothy Parker

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"If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme."
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Dorothy Parker

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"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"
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Dorothy Parker

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"You can't teach an old dogma new tricks."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
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Dorothy Parker

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"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."
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Dorothy Parker

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"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty."
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Dorothy Parker

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"You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!"
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Dorothy Parker

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"Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness."
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Dorothy Parker

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"If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Writing is the art of applying the ass to the seat."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Genius can write on the back of old envelopes but mere talent requires the finest stationery available."

Quote by - Dorothy Parker

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"It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Of Orson Welles: It's like meeting God without dying."
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Dorothy Parker

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"I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours."
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Dorothy Parker

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"You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
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Dorothy Parker

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"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
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Dorothy Parker

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