I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

There ain't no devil, only God when he's drunk.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

Well I got a bad liver and broken heart, yeah,I drunk me a river since you tore me apart

Well, it's either kiss me or kill me, that's how I see it.

I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.

The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering.

It ain't no sin, to take off your skin and dance around in your bones

You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

And the earth died screaming, while I lay dreaming...

Most of the people I admire, they usually smell funny and don't get out much. It's true. Most of them are either dead or not feeling well.

Oh, I'm not a percussionist, I just like to hit things.

The earth is not my home, I'm just passing by

I don't go to church on Sunday, don't get on my knees to pray, or memorize the books of the Bible, I got my own special way

I hate Disneyland. It primes our kids for Las Vegas.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

All that you've loved is all you own

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

I've lost my equilibrium, my car keys, and my pride.

And the things you can’t remember tell the things you can’t forget that history puts a saint in every dream.

I've been riding on the crest of a slump lately.

I ain't got no spare/I ain't got no jack/I don't give a shit/I'm not going back

Oh I don't mind going to weddings, just as long as it's not my own...

It's very hard to stop doing things you're used to doing. You almost have to dismantle yourself and scatter it all around and then put a blindfold on and put it back together so that you avoid old habits.

You got to tell me the brave captain Why are the wicked so strong? How do the angels get to sleep When the devil leaves the porch light on?

Time is just memory Mixed in with Desire.

They say that I have no hits and that I'm difficult to work with. And they say that like it's a bad thing.

But it's so hard to dance that way when it's cold and there's no music.

We are all just monkeys with money and guns.

Never have your wallet with you onstage. It's bad luck. You shouldn't play the piano with money in your pocket. Play like you need the money. Tom Waits (to me, about 1986 or so)

Let me fall out of the window/ With confetti in my hair

The Universe is making music all the time.

When the weather's rough and it's whiskey in the rain it's best to wrap your savior up in cellophane.

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.

I've seen it all through the yellow windows of the evening train...

Sing me a rainbow. Steal me a dream.

Slept all night in the cedar grove, i was born to ramble, born to rove, some men are searchin' for the holy grail, but there ain't nothin' sweeter than ridin' the rails

Your old home town's so far away, but inside your head there's a record that's playing, a song called 'Hold On

I walked 500 miles just to see a halo, when I opened my eyes I was blind as can be.

Well you say that it's gospel, But I know that it's only church.

The beginning of it starts at the end

My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane.

The Music was like Electric Sugar

There's no prayer like desire.

It's the same with men as with horses and dogs, nothing wants to die.

I admit that I ain't no angel, I admit that I ain't no saint-- I'm selfish and I'm cruel and I'm blind. If I exorcise my devils, well my angels may leave too. When they leave they're so hard to find...

When your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans