The spookiest thing I can remember about John Gotti is his eyes.

The original text of New York is all below Chambers Street.

There's nothing more human than selling food to strangers, you know?

Amazon.com isn't the same as going down an aisle. The same as record stores. You'll go for Billie Holiday, and you buy Gustav Mahler as you're going out the door.

The Internet has got great tools. How we lived without Google all those years I don't know.

As a master of graphic creation, as teacher, historian, and roving ambassador of comics, Jerry Robinson has ensured that future generations of talented kids will continue to imagine and then put marks on paper.

New York and Dublin are now suburbs of each other.

There are human beings who will be helped in understanding our times through the diaries of Edward Robb Ellis.

I don't think enough journalists read enough - literature, history. You've got to keep reading all through your career.

'The Daily News' and 'Post' gave me my life, and I want to see them survive.

We're in an age when everything's present tense. People don't know how to be still and surrender to the music.

Sinatra slowly found a way to allow tenderness into the performance while remaining manly. He perfected the role of the Tender Tough Guy and passed it on to several generations of Americans. Before him, that archetype did not exist in American popular culture.

When I look at what's happening with #MeToo, my heart breaks, basically, for everybody involved.

I'm the weirdo that tells - asks - the Uber driver to please turn the radio down. I'm so polite about it, though.

When I was in junior high, I went to a really hippy dippy Quaker school where we called our teachers by their first names and stuff.

So we have the story of who we are. I'm a man, and I'm a comedian, and I'm a tall man. I have big teeth and all these things, and I like the first two Batman movies, and I don't drink coffee, or whatever it is.

I used to just want so badly to have afterlife insured and make sure I was going to heaven.

It's hard to control the things that are going to inspire you.

Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules.

I think my mom recognized that I liked people to be happy. I like people to get along. And I like to be a peacemaker. And I liked the church. So she was like, 'You should be a youth pastor.'

The underlying goal of comedy is feeling not-alone.

It's funny - the reason I started doing a podcast was because every time I was on someone else's podcast, I would take it over a little bit.

I think 'everything sucks' is too often leaned upon as a comedic stance. It's a really easy and pretty weak perspective.

Good comedy can be liberating, and if I'm doing my job as a comedian, part of the joy for the audience is getting that release.

In real life, T. J. Miller is one of my best friends, and I'll maybe see him for two or three days in a row, and then I won't see him for four months. That's just how our lives are.

I felt like I was in a unique position, or I am in a unique position, to show the evangelical world in a way that I haven't seen on TV before. That's a world that I'm very familiar with.

I booked an E-Trade commercial. That's a lucrative gig.

The skill set of pastor and comedian are incredibly similar. You want to affect people. You're good at reading rooms. You're persuasive, and you're likable.

Whenever I make a blasphemous joke, I always say that I believe in a God big enough to know that I'm just kidding. How can God not know that I'm kidding? And also, how could God be offended at a thing that he made not believing in him?

I think a lot of pain in people's lives comes from not being open and honest about what they really think, what they really feel, what they like, what they don't like.

I can't speak for everybody. But I will say that for me, when I've been depressed - and I get depressed. I have irrational bouts of anxiety. I have random FedEx deliveries of despondency. Just like, 'I didn't order this. Oh, well, keep the PJs on, cancel everything you're doing today. It's time to take a sad shower.'

I'm down with Jesus, sweet Jeez, sweet baby Jeez.

I disagree with the idea that everything happens for a reason.

Dorks are not exempt from bad behaviour.

As soon as I heard the term 'comedy nerd,' I'd hoped there was a lot of them.

My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.

Joy is in learning to say yes to what is and to surrender into flow with what is, even when it's what you don't want.

When I got divorced, the first people I called were Nick Kroll and John Mulaney and T. J. Miller - all the pals.

The beautiful thing about stand-up advice is that it applies to anybody, any gender, any race, any age. The best thing you can do - everybody will tell you - is get on stage as much as you can. I would add to that: get on stage as much as you can - with the people you admire.

Sometimes I liken the comedian's lifestyle a little bit to a firefighter's in the sense that there's a lot of waiting and a lot of nothingness. And then there are moments of urgent firefighting.

Traffic: Sit there. Sit. Occasionally move your foot from the brake and crawl forward, then put it back. That's all you do for hours. It's very calming.

I like squirm-laughing.

When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and get you a hotel room,' and I spent a week with him.

Yeah, I had a talk show canceled. Okay, let's go back to the list of people who had talk shows canceled. Johnny Carson had his first talk show canceled. Jon Stewart. Letterman. Conan O'Brien, if you look at 'The Tonight Show' as a show that got canceled.

The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day. That is exactly what I want to be doing... I like doing cartoons. I like writing things.

When I grew up, my model of God was like a lifeguard: I knew He loved me, but He blew his whistle a lot.

The only Batman that doesn't need parodying is Adam West, but everybody else is fair game.

I think there's something so funny about Ram Dass. I was lucky enough to sit across from him at dinner once, and I got up the courage to tell him that he was my favorite comedian. Even though he's not a comic, he talks about showbiz in a certain way and understands that there's a presentation to it.

Ideally, a good pastor wants to empower a congregation to the point where they don't need him. You want everyone to leave feeling better.

I thought divorce was for people that threw plates at each other, and I'd have to be an alcoholic or having affairs. But the truth is, sometimes a very sweet, well-meaning person just doesn't do it for you, and you need to get out of there.