Conservative merchandise tends to aim at a point from a place of humor and exuberance, from Trumpy Bear to the 'Make American Great Again' hats to my own bestselling blank book 'Reasons To Vote For Democrats: A Comprehensive Guide.'

Fear of death and idolatry of youth have prompted vain neurotics to spend ever-greater fortunes on cosmetic products and surgeries to stave off age just a little while longer.

Disbelief in the consequences of wrongdoing has coarsened our society and alienated us one from another.

Conventional wisdom holds that the public disproportionately blames Republicans for government shutdowns. The disproportionate election of Republicans to the U.S. Senate following the Republican-led shutdown of 2013 should have put that canard to rest.

Politics presents few win-win situations for partisans on either side.

President Trump's critics call him an immoral lout. By strict moral standards, so are we all.

Republicans have always tolerated greater intellectual diversity than Democrats.

Any legitimate system of criminal justice must first concern itself with justice. If just punishments also deter, rehabilitate, or protect, all the better.

No one is better at deprecating President Trump than President Trump - just ask him.

A materialist age makes neurotics of those who measure their life in minutes. Teetotalling totalitarians know the cost of life, but not the value.

Both parties act in their political self-interest. Indeed, that's the purpose of a political party. But unlike Democrats, at least Republicans are honest about it.

Republicans stalled Merrick Garland's nomination to the Supreme Court because they could, and 136 years of American history recommended it as politically advantageous.

To this day, I have the most fond memories of some of my old toys.

There comes a point in your life when you realize how quickly time goes by, and how quickly it has gone. Then it really speeds up exponentially. With that, I think you start to put a lot of things into context; you start to see how huge the world is, and really, the universe.

I've changed my diet a few times. Now I'm trying to eat more protein. I eat little meals throughout the day. I love food, so I still give myself great meals. Also, when I'm busy, it's easy to lose weight.

Guys never really get over their toys.

In the household in which I was raised, the themes were pretty simple. 'Work hard. Don't quit. Be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful. Also, never whine, never complain. And always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.'

Filmmaking is the ultimate team sport.

Anesthesia is quite remarkable. It's lost time. And you wake up kind of refreshed.

I don't think there's anybody better than Leonardo DiCaprio, and I've been saying that since before anyone knew who he was.

David Letterman used to say, 'I wasn't the class clown, but I wrote for him,' and that's exactly it. You want to be known to be funny without having it pointed out.

I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought to stick around and direct this thing.' But he didn't; he left, and look what he became. A really legendary comedy director.

I don't want dogs that have had the personality trained out of them. It's a partnership. I want to connect.

I liked going to Catholic school.

If I'm going to meditate, there is a little church up in Montecito, California. It's an old Spanish mission, actually. I find it comforting in there.

Generally, I move in the direction of art.

From the time I was a kid, I was crazy about anything having to do with the West. I'd look at all of these photos of Montana, and they all seemed so magical and majestic. I just wanted to go west, and I finally did it when I was barely 21. I went off to volunteer at a Navajo reservation in New Mexico.

I'm the seventh child of George and Leona Douglas, and I don't ever remember a time when my father didn't work two jobs. When my mother was going to the grocery, or going to Mass, or trying to take care of seven kids in a run-down farmhouse.

I never wanted to play the short game.

Historically, I'm not a great patient when it comes to slowing down.

There's this thin line between knowing something is going to be really hard and saying, 'Yeah, you know, but I still gotta see if I can pull it off.'

I used to work on a survey crew, because my dad was an engineer, but he was also a surveyor.

My brothers were tremendous shack builders. My shacks were horrible. My brothers once built a two-story shack from the ground up that was awesome!

I'm getting more and more bored with professional sports, but I still watch.

I liked 'Robocop' because of the director, and it was an intelligent, big-action studio movie.

If you get a good comedy once a year, man, that's pretty good. I may be pickier than some, but still, there aren't that many movies that are really, truly, honestly that funny.

I used to say no to almost everything because I thought, 'I've got enough dough, I know what I want to do, and I know what I'm capable of.'

There is the theory... that you live in two places: You either live in fear, or you live in love.

I always thought what made 'Beetlejuice' look so great was because it looked like some genius kid made it in his basement.

I get kinda self-conscious. I don't want to know about my eyebrows. I'm born with them.

I really like to hear actors talk about acting, but I don't really like hearing myself talk.

Unpredictability means what it means. I don't know how you define it. It is what it is.

I was so gullible as a kid.

I always knew the way in was Bruce Wayne. It wasn't Batman. It was never Batman. That was the key.

I remember my mom threatening me, half-serious: 'You know what? I should take you to Pittsburgh and put you in dance lessons just to keep you occupied.' Well, that brought everything to a screeching halt. 'Jeeze, dance lessons.' In retrospect, it would have been awesome, but then, 'Ugh, dancing - dancing's for sissies.'

Sometimes I don't feel like an actor. Sometimes I speak about it like it was another job, and then I go, 'Wait a minute - I am one!'

When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny.

I'm in a business that invites narcissism, self-involvement, and egos being blown out of proportion.

I grew up in rural Pennsylvania, in a really rundown old house. I'd stay out till 8:30, 9:00 at night. Just blow in. My mom and dad never really cared much. It was okay. We were pretty free to roam. I mean, I had no concept of stopping play. It just didn't occur to anyone.

I'm envious of writers and musicians. I think it must be so difficult. Not just the frustration, but the discipline.