I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.

Some people have constipation of the brain but their mouth has the runs.

Comedy crowds - we always want to come out and ask you, 'How you feeling?' We always say that, 'By a round of applause, how do you feel?' Right? 'By a round of applause, how you feeling?' It's the only place in the world that you judge how you're feeling by a round of applause... There's never like a car accident, people all over the ground, people running over - 'Ma'am! Ma'am! By a round of applause, how do you feel? By a round of applause - she's not clapping!

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.

A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.

The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.

I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.

It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Our wisest long-term investment is not in the dirty polluting fossil fuels from the past, but in the clean energy of the future.

We need more housing in San Francisco, plain and simple, and we especially need more affordable housing for our low-income households, seniors, teachers, formerly homeless people, veterans, and middle-income residents.

Every day on our streets there are people who are facing a combination of homelessness, mental illness, and addiction. Each of these conditions is challenging alone, but when experienced at the same time it creates a downward spiral that makes it even more difficult for the person to get treated and housed.

To our health care workers and essential employees: Thank you for everything you are doing.

In San Francisco, our diversity is our strength.

We can't keep limiting ourselves when it comes to housing. Affordable housing and teacher housing are too crucial to let the failed policies of the past get in the way.

Burdensome fees have made it harder for people to exit the criminal justice system.

By providing every student with a quality education, and the materials they need for class and to do their homework, we can help students from all backgrounds learn and thrive.

Both San Francisco and New York are taking bold, sweeping action to reduce emissions, make our infrastructure more resilient and improve the health of our people. We are also leading the charge against those who continue to deny the existence of climate change.

Homelessness isn't just an issue in San Francisco. It's an issue throughout California and up and down the West Coast. We need to support policies that address our twin troubles of housing affordability and homelessness at the state-level.

I will fight for affordable housing for teachers, police, fire fighters, and families in all our neighborhoods.

As a kid growing up in public housing, I didn't always get show up at the first day of school with a new backpack full of supplies. Having the school supplies I needed would have made me feel more prepared and ready to learn.

In my sophomore year of high school, I watched my friend Loretta leave in a U-Haul headed for Oakland. She and her mom had been tenants in a nearby apartment, forced out by rent they couldn't afford anymore.

While it's absolutely important that we build housing for our low-income residents, when we are talking about opening up hundreds of sites for housing, we should be trying to build affordable housing for all of our residents struggling to pay rent. That means housing for teachers, for nurses, for janitors.

Walking the streets of San Francisco can be a frightening, demoralizing, even an unhealthy experience for residents and tourists alike.

As someone who grew up in public housing, I've known these conditions.

No family should feel they need to leave San Francisco to find a great public education.

We can't solve the issues of homelessness without more housing.

Young people experiencing homelessness often have a difficult time accessing services, including shelter, medical care, and employment. This is due to the stigma of their housing situation, lack of knowledge of available resources, and a lack of services targeted to young people.

When I was in college, the bell tolled for us. Just as my grandmother, the woman who had cared for me all my life, started needing me to care for her, we were told our home was being torn down, and we would need to find another place to live.

We need to reform our land use policies to build more housing in urban centers and near transit.

Our young people need safe, permanent housing, so they can focus on their education or job, live healthy lives, and pursue their interests - without fear of where they'll sleep at night.

There must be real consequences for those who commit crimes in our neighborhoods.

I grew up in Plaza East public housing in the Western Addition, five of us living on $900 per month. 'Recycling' meant drinking out of old mayonnaise jars.

Children who attend high-quality early care and education programs before kindergarten perform better on assessments of reading and math skills and socio-emotional development. However, since early care and education programs are so expensive, low-income families face significant barriers.

We have to cut the red tape, eliminate barriers, and reduce bureaucracy - for all housing, for everyone.

Costly jail calls and high commissary fees have forced families to choose between paying their bills and talking to their loved ones who are serving time, adding further costs to an already difficult situation.

Businesses have played an important role in advancing nondiscrimination protections across the county because they have recognized that inclusion is the right thing to do and fairness and equality are good for business.

As a young girl growing up in poverty, I know firsthand how much a paycheck from a summer job can make a difference.

Every student should be able to start the school year with the supplies they need, and shouldn't feel left out if their family is unable to afford a new backpack, notebooks, and pencils.

Despite my work, I know some in politics will never support me. I see them distort my record.

If there was a street synonymous with San Francisco, it's Market Street. It is the everyday backbone of the City, with hundreds of thousands of people traveling along it on foot, bike, bus, or streetcar. It's where we gather to celebrate our victories and protest injustices.

As a child, I walked with my friends to Rosa Parks Elementary and then to Ben Franklin Middle School. I rode Muni to Galileo High School. And thanks to amazing teachers who believed in me and supported me along the way, I was able to matriculate to another public school: the University of California at Davis.

As investments and as an energy source, fossil fuels have nowhere to go but down.

As the COVID-19 situation evolves, we need to make sure we have enough medical professionals to care for people in need.