God makes stars. I just produce them.

Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.

If people don't want to go to the picture, nobody can stop them.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.

I seriously object to seeing on the screen what belongs in the bedroom.

Some of the regrets I've had about my own career are things I have not done that I should have done. More than some of the things that I've done.

Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.

Spare no expense to save money on this one.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them at least five years.

Please write music like Wagner, only louder.

If Roosevelt were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

I hate a man who always says 'yes' to me. When I say 'no' I like a man who also says 'no.'

Ill give you a definite maybe.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.

We're overpaying him, but he's worth it.

From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.

Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.

It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.

Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn't go see it.

No person who is enthusiastic about his work has anything to fear from life.

Include me out.

I think luck is the sense to recognize an opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it... The man who can smile at his breaks and grab his chances gets on.

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

This music won't do. There's not enough sarcasm in it.

I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.

Don't pay any attention to the critics - don't even ignore them.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

I never liked you, and I always will.

I'll take fifty percent efficiency to get one hundred percent loyalty.

Too caustic? To hell with the costs, we'll make the picture anyway.

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? All you do is change the words.

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.

A hospital is no place to be sick.

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.

The independents who were our fiercest competitors all succumbed to the one-hit-makes-you-a-genius philosophy. It is a mistake to think you have the magic touch. Show business is roulette. If you start to play for stakes you can't afford, there's no way you can survive.

People always say to me, 'It must have been wonderful coming from old Hollywood, with all those movie stars,' but I never knew anyone. I didn't even know who Charlie Chaplin was. My parents really kept me away from it all.

Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.

Silence does not always mark wisdom.

Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink; Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.

Poetry: the best words in the best order.

Day after day, day after day, We stuck, nor breath nor motion; As idle as a painted ship Upon a painted ocean.