"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."

"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."

"I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"I intend to live forever, or die trying."

"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others."

"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats."

"Humor is reason gone mad."

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."

"The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths."

"I usually record all through the night, but I'm known for waking up early in the morning. Even if I had recorded till 3 or 4 in the morning I might wake up at 9 or 10. I never sleep till 1 o clock."

"I'll like to tell all the people who wrote me and said a prayer for me, thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"I'm just a careful person around wheels and stuff like that. I try to be as cautious as I can, cause I lost friends to motorcycle accidents and car accidents. So I don't ever play around anything like that."

"Most of my subject matter was all kind of, like, party stuff, jewelry and cars. It was really just, you know, shallow."

"I try to take a couple of young guys under my wing and tell them what I've learned, because you can't teach nobody if you don't know anything."

"As nervous as I am to pick up a water bottle, that's how nervous I am to perform. My confidence is very high. I really enjoy going up, I feel like it's my birthday everyday that I have to go up there."

"Unfortunately I've been to jail a couple times. Anytime I come in it's difficult to make music, write songs."

"I'm a big bike fan - my homies got Harleys and all kind of choppers - but to be honest I'm scared to ride motorcycles like that."

"I did some things to some people that was downright evil. Is it karma coming back to me - so much drama."

"My own momma turned her back on me, and that's my momma."

"Always watch your back - when I was fourteen I got a tattoo of an eye on the back of my neck, so I could say I was always watchin' my back."

"A trapper but this rappin got me going places you'll never go!"

"I believe I can make all the money I've missed. But I can't regain the time with fans and family."

"There's a lot of people scared of me, and I can't blame them. They call me crazy so much I think I'm starting to believe them."

"I feel like I am an example."

"I hope my life is a testimony to show people no matter what you go through, how many hurdles are placed in front of you, how many bumps and bruises you get, to pick yourself up and be resilient and keep on trucking."

"I feel like you don't have to go through jail, that's not part of bein' a man."

"I just want to let everyone know I'm not a murderer."