"I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved."

"You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog."

"The Gospel is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable."

"A good newspaper is never good enough, but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever."

"Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon"

"If you can't read a simple goddam sign and follow one simple goddam instruction then get your fat butt the hell out of here."

"Computers can never completely replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity."

"The rich can afford to be progressive. Poor people have reason to be afraid of the future."

"Lutherans don't hold bingo games in the church basement. Lutherans are against fun in general, which is why for them, birth control has never been a big issue."

"Never say anything bad about a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. By then he’s a mile away, you’ve got his shoes, and you can say whatever you want to."

"Hurry up! Do it – get it done. You got work to do. Don’t put this off and don’t take the long view. Life is today and tomorrow, and if you are lucky, may be next week."

"My God, rich people have the time to praise You if they want to, but the poor people are so busy, accept their work as praise because, my God, they don’t have time for everything."

"Demagogues thrive in dim light."

"I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet, so I got a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet."

"Sometimes I think I understand everything—then I regain consciousness."

"...life (pause) is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass."

"How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday."

"The living wander away, we don’t hear from them for months, years—but the dead move in with us to stay."

"... you are never so smart again in a language learned in middle age nor so romantic, brave or kind."

"You young people learned spelling by the ‘Close Enough’ method."

"I just sort of slid into it, like you’d go for a walk in the woods and fall into a crevasse and wind up in a cave full of rubies and emeralds."

"They did not weave their lives around yours. They had their own lives, which were mysterious to you."

"What would people think?' Jesus said that people think all sorts of things. The human mind is like a cloud of gnats. Constant motion. That's why you have to look at the heart. 'Oh,' said Grandpa."

"I have seen the truth and it makes no sense."

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection"

"In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?"

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?"

"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path."

"You only lose what you cling to."

"Three things can not hide for long: the Moon, the Sun and the Truth."

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

"Doubt everything. Find your own light."

"Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most."

"There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path."

"Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it"

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

"If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another."

"A man is not called wise because he talks and talks again; but if he is peaceful, loving and fearless then he is in truth called wise."

"You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger."

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete."

"Pain is certain, suffering is optional."

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."

"Whatever a monk keeps pursuing with his thinking and pondering, that becomes the inclination of his awareness."

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly our whole life would change."

"Do not look for a sanctuary in anyone except your self."

"If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading"

"Meditate. Live purely. Be quiet. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine"