"Bill Murray doesn't do anything. He barely shows up at the movies he says he's going to do."

"You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't."

"With any actor, if you know your character well enough, you'll know pretty much what he would say under any circumstance, or whatever situation might rear its head."

"Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it."

"I actually like talking."

"You can have good writing, but a great actor will make it feel and sound like great writing. You can have great writing, and mediocre actors will make it feel mediocre. Without the actors, you have nothing."

"Usually when you watch a film, you're just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently."

"I don't believe in the power of words."

"I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one."

"When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again."

"I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?"

"If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is."

"I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area."

"My brother and I tortured my mother growing up."

"I'm a pretty boring guy. Compared to Ashton Kutcher, I live a really boring existence."

"Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland."

"What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny."

"I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed."

"I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid."

"Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don't think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind."

"I can't text. My fingers are too big."

"I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention."

"Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring."

"I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album."

"When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me."

"Temptation's something you have to deal with even if you're not famous. It's harder when you're famous because it's a lot more in your face, and that makes it a little more difficult to walk away from sometimes."

"It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'"

"The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media."

"Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself."

"I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job."

"I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award."

"I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice."

"I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time."

"Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish."

"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid."

"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture."

"My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York."

"I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy."

"The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal."

"My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in."

"If you had no enemies, you had no fun."

"George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live."

"I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better."

"I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff."

"You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is."

"I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries."

"My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen."

"I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor."

"Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family."

"I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles."