"My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be."

"Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse."

"Hockey's my favorite sport."

"I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while."

"Firefighters don't go on strike."

"Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual"

"I've eaten things that didn't complain this much."

"We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!"

"I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."

"The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work."

"Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer."

"No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about."

"The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't."

"The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them."

"The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago."

"Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out wh"I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens."y they said not to do it."

"I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens."

"One of those things that I like about TV is that if you get a group of people you like, you can work with these people for months at a time, and you can discover their strengths and weaknesses, and you can use those in the direction where you take the characters."

"The thing with movies is, because you have so little time, I always feel like there are more things we could've done with the character. If we'd done a sequel to 'The Thomas Crown Affair,' what would that have been like? But for the most part, you try not to think of that, because it's just going to break your heart."

"If you do good work, it tends to stick around. People still come up to me and say, 'The Ref' is my favorite Christmas movie.'"

"What firefighters and people in our military and cops do is separate from what the rest of us do; basically these people say, 'I'm going to protect all these strangers.'"

"Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true."

"I've been nominated for Emmys and Golden Globes, but I've never won one and I probably never will."

"I'd love to do another television series. I really love the writing process, and as an actor I really like how much you get to examine in television."

"When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.'"

"Kids are incredibly expensive. But it pays off later when they are better educated, bigger, and better-looking than you. And find you incessantly boring and uncool."

"Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person."

"Most of the women placed in the fire department here in New York never passed the physical test. And a fat guy or a short guy, or anybody not passing the test in a life-or-death job, leads to friction."

"I don't want to see a 'Sopranos' movie. This is just me. I like to think the end is where it was on TV as opposed to becoming a movie."

"I have a lot of conservative views on a lot of things."

"I love America."

"I know gay - gay people who aren't married who are better parents than some, you know, straight people I know who are married."

"I think all priests should be married."

"I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids."

"I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God."

"I'm a lapsed Catholic in the best sense of the word."

"Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used."

"I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen."

"I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh."

"I'm a huge Kevin Youkilis fan."

"If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now."

"In addition to my cousin, there were 30 or 40 guys I grew up with who became firefighters as well. So, I've been around firefighters all my life."

"There's no male Oprah."

"I remember 9/11; we had 'Comics Come Home' about a month after those events. That night, even the comedians were concerned. Would the audience be ready to laugh? It was a release for everyone."

"I really want to do a western film. It's one of my favorite movie genres of all time."

"If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while."

"I don't really have a lot of fun playing just straight good guys. It's not my thing. It's like Tom Hanks territory."

"Some people expect me to be funny all the time, and I'm not necessarily funny all the time."

"The best thing about series TV is that everyone you work with is hand-picked, as compared to working on a film."

"I think we're going to carry the 'Ice Age's up to 'Ice Age 15,' which means basically they'll be in the present decade."