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The Iraq I returned from was, in my mind, a fairly simple place. By which I mean it had little relationship to reality. It's only with time and the help of smart, empathetic friends willing to pull through many serious conversations that I've been able to learn more about what I witnessed.
It's very strange getting out of the military, when you've lived in Iraq, and people you know are going overseas again and again. Some of them are getting injured.
I suppose it is the lot of soldiers and Marines to be objectified according to the politics of the day and the mood of the American people about their war.
There's something odd about working 24/7, being consumed with everything that's happening in Iraq, and then coming back to the country that ordered you over there only to realize that a lot of Americans are not really paying attention.
I was a public affairs officer. I worked with the media, but I didn't just stay at my desk. I assisted in military duties, travelled around Anbar province, hung out with a wide variety of Marines.
I started with things that I was troubled by or confused by or interested in, and then I wrote stories to try to puzzle my way through it. But the question is not how to represent war, because it's an abstract thing that's felt differently for all the characters.
Marines and soldiers don't issue themselves orders; they don't send themselves overseas. United States citizens elect the leaders who send us overseas.
When I first came back from Iraq, I of course found myself thinking a lot about it. Not just my experiences, but those of people I talked to, friends, and colleagues.
A lot of the great pieces of journalism from Iraq showed how important command influence was in violent, aggressive environments, where Marines and soldiers had a constrained set of choices to make in sudden moments.
I always wrote - not about war, necessarily, but I always wrote stories. I tried to write while I was in Iraq. It's not really - I didn't do a very good job, and not about war.
One of the things that's difficult for people to understand is when you join the military, you don't sign up as an endorsement of any particular policy of the moment.
You're not supposed to risk your life just for the physical safety of American citizens - you're supposed to risk your life for American ideals as well.
After the fighting is done, and even when it's still happening, apologies are often needed for the recounting of bare facts. Sometimes bare facts feel unpatriotic.
I've certainly thought a lot more about things like tyranny and patriotism and violence. I think I found some kind of clarity - definitely a thicker understanding.
It's often difficult to get perspective on your own stories, on your own experiences, without talking them through with someone who is genuinely interested in thinking about them. And that's the key.
Boxers Nigel Benn and Chris Eubank would not have missed their rivalry for all the world, and I don't mind a bit of needle in darts if it helps to pay the bills.
During the year, when I'm not doing major tournaments, I'll go to the gym for about two to three hours in the morning and practise darts in the afternoon.
I'm a little like Roy Keane. Mentally I'm very strong. I'm very hungry. I'm very dedicated. You can't throw me off my stride. That's how I break people. I just don't care what they do. They can throw 180, 180 and 180 again and I'm like, 'so what?' They've got to keep it up to beat me.
We had this little yard, and during the summer holidays, when my mum and dad were working, I spent hours bowling a golf ball at a stick. Just bowling, bowling, bowling. And I got to where I could hit the stick every time, repeating the same action. That's where the darts came from.
You can't afford to be lazy in this business, and in the past I've used all the travelling and the hotels as an excuse not to stick to exercise regimes and looking after myself.
Money is great for paying the bills and putting food in the cupboard and in the fridge. But winning titles is different altogether. It's what you do, it's your living.
When we play in the Pro Tour there's no crowds in, so you can concentrate better. The others play better as well, there's players who can't play too good on TV but on the floor when it's nice and quiet they can bang them in, let me tell you.