I don't know how it is with other people's relationships, but my wife is always much more tired than me because she works much harder looking after the children, which is an endless battle - a lot of it is battling with them to stop battling with each other.

I get looks like I can't raise my child, but I can.

I do speak well as I went to a posh school. But I come from no real breeding.

I think if anyone becomes so obnoxious to believe they could be a national treasure, they just need to go on Twitter and realise they're not. That's there to curtail anybody's confidence.

Given this voice, I know it does sound like I've come from money. But my dad was Canadian and my mum Hungarian, so it's not like I have some high-society, upper-class English background.

I feel a bit weird about turning 40. It makes you feel like you've passed over on to the other side a bit.

I go to the British Comedy Awards and, you know, quite a few people were making jokes at my expense. It just made me feel awful, because I am there with my wife and she has gone out and bought a dress. And it is my big night and I won, and yet the overriding experience was that of nastiness.

I went to quite a nice school as a kid, where everyone was quite posh, because my dad was making some money.

Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you're walking on a knife edge.

It's such a lie that women go for funny men.

I call people 'captain' a lot and it makes them feel special. Until they hear me using it for everyone, that is.

I don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline.

I don't have any writers. I never get a laugh with somebody else's jokes. I can't do it justice.

Comedy provides an escape from the horrors of real life.

I always knew I was quite good at getting laughs. At school, I loved having a ready audience if I made a cheeky remark.

I don't go around straightening pictures or anything like that, but I do obsess about the safety of those I love, particularly the kids.

Before I went into comedy I was a loner, very much wrapped up in my own thoughts. But I always liked myself and the way I thought.

I think actually performing on stage when everyone's facing you and you're one person facing them, that is quite a lonely thing in a strange way. You have to be quite insular from everybody else, you've got thousands of people staring at you and you're just on your own.

I really, really love stand-up.

One of the weirdest things about Christmas in this country is that people love to watch 'EastEnders' when everyone's in floods of tears and there's a huge row. I don't know if watching it makes them feel better about their own day. Personally, I would rather try to be a bit more positive!

I usually do quite well with presents, but the problem with Christmas is it's such a big build-up and such a big day that if someone tests you the year after, you've got no idea what you got.

I can sit and write clever things, but that never quite works as well as when I'm just chatting about stupid things in the moment.

I don't want a chat show or to be on telly every day, as that's not my business; my business is standing in front of people and making them laugh, and I want to see how far I can get with that.

You have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to like you, so you have to focus on the ones who do.

Democracy is not a spectator sport, it's a participatory event. If we don't participate in it, it ceases to be a democracy.

The purpose of art actually is, in many cases, to make you feel quite uncomfortable. Or at least to go to that place that's already of discomfort inside of you and tap into that.

You can't regulate child labor. You can't regulate slavery. Some things are just wrong.

No decisions should ever be made without asking the question, is this for the common good?

Every parent wants to do what's best for their child. Whatever I can afford, I'm going to get my kid the best education I can get.

Capitalism is an organized system to guarantee that greed becomes the primary force of our economic system and allows the few at the top to get very wealthy and has the rest of us riding around thinking we can be that way, too - if we just work hard enough, sell enough Tupperware and Amway products, we can get a pink Cadillac.

I don't want to do anything that violates my own personal code of ethics and morals.

Healthcare should be between the doctor and the patient. And if the doctor says something needs to be done, the government should guarantee it gets paid for.

I say stupid white men are always the problem. That's never going to change.

You do not have the right to take another human's life, unless it's in strict self-defense.

Should such an ignorant people lead the world? How did it come to this in the first place? 82 percent of us don't even have a passport! Just a handful can speak a language other than English.

I made 'Bowling for Columbine' in the hope the school shootings would stop and that we would address the issue of how easy it is to get a gun in the United States, and tragically, those school shootings continue.

The movie theater is never going away. If that was a case why are there still restaurants? People still have kitchens in their home!

There's not democracy in the workplace. I mean, through most of our daily lives, the idea of democracy is fairly nonexistent. And I think things work better when the people who have to work with whatever it is we're working with have a say in how it's working.

Many criminals believe what they say is true; they could pass a lie detector test.

WikiLeaks, God bless them, will save lives as a result of their actions.

If we say, 'The government sucks,' we're kind of saying that we suck.

I still believe the lessons I learned when I was raised in a Roman Catholic household. Like, it's harder for a rich man to get into Heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle.

I have never owned a share of stock in my life, and the only time I've double dipped into anything is at the snack tray.

I think that there's something in the American psyche, it's almost this kind of right or privilege, this sense of entitlement, to resolve our conflicts with violence. There's an arrogance to that concept if you think about it. To actually have to sit down and talk, to listen, to compromise, that's hard work.

I drive an American car. It's a Chrysler. That's not an endorsement. It's more like a cry for pity.

I'm a millionaire, I'm a multi-millionaire. I'm filthy rich. You know why I'm a multi-millionaire? 'Cause multi-millions like what I do.

People of my age who went to college, go into college, you know what it cost back then? Nothing or next to nothing. At the most, you had to work at Dairy Queen during the summer and that would pay for your college education.

The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the revolution, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow - and they will win.

I think there are few things more patriotic than taking the time to make your country a better place.

I'm tired of this discussion of capitalism and socialism; we live in the 21st century, we need an economic system that has democracy as its underpinnings and an ethical code.