Australia is fun, but completely exhausting and confusing because I never get on with the different time zone.

Making the 'Big Show' has been the most fun I've had on telly.

Coming up with your own opinion is hard. When I go to see a movie I don't really know if I enjoyed it, so I ask my wife and listen to people talking on the way out. If they all say it was magnificent I'll agree!

I've always felt so unconnected to other comedians.

I just find little things in life funny, it's why I giggle during my shows.

Women like me. Women love me. But not so my wife need worry. Not in a 'he's so hot' type of way. More in a 'come round for a cup of tea' way.

Fame is sexy. And women are meant to find men who are funny sexy. But not me. Absolutely not me. Clearly I just missed the sexy bit.

I'm sure there are comedians who make jokes about me, but say something funny, not mean.

I've always found the world funny and enjoy laughing at it, and that's what all comedians do.

If I'm honest, I think everything is funny. You've just got to find the right way in. When I'm at my happiest and when I'm really on it, when I feel like I'm really on good form at the moment, everything can be funny.

I don't like upsetting people.

I found the idea of trying to create a show that everyone can enjoy really appealing.

I never felt like I belong to anything - to any groups of friends. I never really had that.

I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.

I've been performing stand-up comedy for ten years, it's what I love and will always do.

I'm not going to crack America.

I don't understand people who write blogs and have children. You can't stop in the middle of bathtime and say: 'I'm just going to write a load of words - for free.' I won't do it - unless someone wants to commission me.

People have their special room for Christmas. One year my mum left her present on the arm of the sofa and it was still there the following Christmas!

It would be nice if I had a faster metabolism, because I love food.

I don't eat huge amounts, I'm just very lazy. But then this story appeared about me being on a diet and several weeks later I was snapped on holiday with my ''new physique'' on display, which was basically my old physique under a baggy T-shirt. I hadn't been on any diet. But I felt I had to live up to it.

I like jokes where people don't stop laughing.

I had a great moment with Michael Buble where I asked him if he could teach me to sing like him and he said why we don't sing together, so we did! It was great because my wife and children came to watch his performance.

I want to look svelte.

I suppose I'm always a little bit on edge.

Stand-up comedy is what I do, and it's so rewarding. If you write a joke and tell it to an audience of 15,000 people who laugh their heads off at it, it's the best feeling in the world.

I was in Starbucks and the person in front of me said: 'Can I have a tall, skinny, black Americano please?' I said: 'Are you ordering coffee or voting in the U.S. elections?'

Success and arena shows are a great anti-depressant.

I wanted to bat for the England cricket team. I was quite good at cricket. But then I kept getting out for low scores. It turned out I didn't have the talent.

I've heard that my father was a really funny man in company, but I never got to see that side of him. I was just 17 when he died, and he didn't know that I was funny.

I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: 'No, Michael, you're teatime, you're not cool.'

My wife is very fit and looking younger every day, whereas I'm looking older day by day.

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left 'Countdown;' I mean, it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren't laughing.

It's hard to see your dad once in a blue moon.

My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you're in them every night.

The world is in a bit of a state. I don't know how it's happened so quickly but everyone's a bit on edge. I'm not sure that our leaders are doing a great job globally. We're hoping on Trump and Kim Jong-un - these two people who maybe aren't necessarily the sanest.

The only critics who annoy me are the ones who come to my shows even when they're clearly not fans of my work.

I got my big break at the Royal Variety Performance in 2006 and returned in 2008, but now to host it is such an honour and I'm unbelievably excited.

I sometimes reflect on my own life on stage and no one laughs, but you have to have faith in it and hope that people will laugh.

I have no ambitions to act, because I don't know how to.

I definitely wanted a Ferrari 328 - I was obsessive about cars as a kid.

I've always just tried to make the audience laugh.

I always used to want everyone to like me, because it used to hurt so much when people made snidey comments or gave me bad reviews, but I've learnt to deal with it.

Britain's Got Talent' is about those moments when an unknown person takes to the stage and changes their life in the space of a few minutes.

Maybe people just can't cope with how jovial I am.

The people who don't like me are completely irrelevant to me, just as I'm irrelevant to them.

I think everyone wants to know why I look like this. These jokes I make about looking Chinese… My mother's from Hungary and my dad was from Canada. There's a lot of immigration in my past.

It's a weird one: nobody notices when a brilliant comedian is fat or has sweat marks under their arms. Peter Kay isn't in the best shape and neither is Ricky Gervais, and it doesn't matter. Still, I like to feel like I'm transforming into something quite cool when I go on stage.

I don't watch any other comedy, I don't study stand-up as an art.

I worked every single night, not even caring if I got paid, to get myself known. Within a year I was on the Royal Variety Show and that was it.