Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest.

There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

I really love stand-up. I'm more than happy to do it for nothing. I've come to America to do it for nothing. It's the American Dream: Work for free.

I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician.

The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.

Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.

If you work on a comedy show, your basic form of communication is teasing. That's generally how we speak to each other: you communicate the information between the lines of insulting sentences.

Most stand-ups, once they have done it, think of it as their default job. I'm pretty sure Jon Stewart still feels that way now. You are a stand-up first; other things come and go.

Congress never loses its capacity to disappoint you.

I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

Armando Iannucci is one of my heroes. As I was growing up, he was probably the most influential comic voice that I had.

A Southern accent is not a club in my bag.

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.'

The disconnect between America and its military is shocking.

If I wanted to take a more activist or journalistic slant in work, I should probably just go be an activist or a journalist. But I'm happy being a comedian.

Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can.

The British press are a group of unremitting scumbags. And sometimes they use that scumbaggery to good ends, and often not.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy. And I guess I've always liked to channel some kind of personal element to that.

Veterans' issues are quite close to my heart. I find it quite hard to talk about, actually.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect.

I'm always interested in audience interaction. Not so much aggressive audience interaction - I'm genuinely interested in how people see things.

I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead.

I've said yes to everything that Jon Stewart has asked me to do. That's been a pretty good career decision, I think.

You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

It's pretty physically unsettling, living life on a visa.

I've always been interested in socially political, or overtly political, comedy.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

I did sketch comedy, but I never did improv. So I've just tried to learn as I go.

It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them.

Here in America, people come out to see what they've known you to do. In England, it's like everyone comes out to tell you exactly how well they think you're doing.

I knew I was going to go into the field and make fun of people to their faces. I knew what I was getting into.

People are friendlier in New York than London.

You just try to be true to your idea of what is funny and what is also interesting.

I think Americans still can't help but respond to the natural authority of this voice. Deep down they long to be told what to do by a British accent. That's why so many infomercials have British people.

I feel more at home knowing I'm not really at home. It takes all the pressure off you trying to fit in!

People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the last thing you add in, because it's the easiest thing.

I have exactly as much rhythm as you think I have.

There are two kinds of hecklers: the destructive and constructive hecklers.

I would never heckle someone. That's why I think I'm so interested in someone that would.

Politics has become infused with narcissism in America.

You can only love and be loved to the extent that you know and are known by somebody.

For most of us, the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it. We will just skim our lives instead of actually living them.

Sin is, somehow, at the root of all human misery. Sin is what keeps us from God and from life. It is in the face of every battered woman, the cry of every neglected child, the despair of every addict, the death of every victim of every war.

My main job is to live with deep contentment, joy, and confidence in my everyday experience of life with God. Everything else is job number two.

Prudence is foresight and far-sightedness. It's the ability to make immediate decisions on the basis of their longer-range effects.

Prudence is not hesitation, procrastination, or moderation. It is not driving in the middle of the road. It is not the way of ambivalence, indecision, or safety.