President Ford used humor a great deal.

It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?

We're supposed to take our problems to a family adviser. Personally, I've never met a family adviser. They're all off somewhere listening to dirty stories.

Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans, football fans, hockey fans, and gardeners.

Robert Orbenis best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians..

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

Humor is the most honest of emotions. Applause for a speech can be insincere, but with humor, if the audience doesn't like it there's no faking it.

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.

You wouldn't want Alan Greenspan to write the instructions for assembling a beach chair.

I'd be surprised if Ronald Reagan doesn't run again. To us it's a second term. To him it's a double feature.

Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen and profits tell us what did happen.

Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world

Here's to all volunteers, those dedicated people who believe in all work and no pay.

We have enough people who tell it like it is - now we could use a few who tell it like it can be.

If at first you don't succeed-try, try again. Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as timed-release success.

A compliment is verbal sunshine.

I feel that if God had really wanted us to have enough oil, he would never have given us a Department of Energy.

"Most of what makes a book 'good' is that we are reading it at the right moment for us."

"One rarely falls in love without being as much attracted to what is interestingly wrong with someone as what is objectively healthy."

"The moment we cry in a film is not when things are sad but when they turn out to be more beautiful than we expected them to be."

"Intimacy is the capacity to be rather weird with someone - and finding that that's ok with them."

"One of the best protections against disappointment is to have a lot going on."

"We are all more intelligent than we are capable, and awareness of the insanity of love has never saved anyone from the disease."

"To one's enemies: "I hate myself more than you ever could."

"It is in books, poems, paintings which often give us the confidence to take seriously feelings in ourselves that we might otherwise never have thought to acknowledge."

"Not being understood may be taken as a sign that there is much in one to understand."

"There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life."

"What we seek, at the deepest level, is inwardly to resemble, rather than physically to possess, the objects and places that touch us through their beauty."

"It was no longer her absence that wounded me, but my growing indifference to it. Forgetting, however calming, was also a reminder of infidelity to what I had at one time held so dear."

"People only get really interesting when they start to rattle the bars of their cages."

"A good half of the art of living is resilience."

"Booksellers are the most valuable destination for the lonely, given the numbers of books written because authors couldn't find anyone to talk to."

"You normally have to be bashed about a bit by life to see the point of daffodils, sunsets and uneventful nice days."

"Never too late to learn some embarrassingly basic, stupidly obvious things about oneself."

"The largest part of what we call 'personality' is determined by how we've opted to defend ourselves against anxiety and sadness"."

"The difference between hope and despair is a different way of telling stories from the same facts."

"Anyone who isn't embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn't learning enough."

"The pleasure we derive from journeys is perhaps dependent more on the mindset with which we travel than on the destination we travel to."

"Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test."

"Must being in love always mean being in pain?"

"Everyone returns us to a different sense of ourselves, for we become a little of who they think we are."

"The only people we can think of as normal are those we don't yet know very well."

"Feeling lost, crazy and desperate belongs to a good life as much as optimism, certainty and reason."

"We don't really learn anything properly until there is a problem, until we are in pain, until something fails to go as we had hoped ... We suffer, therefore we think."

"Bitterness: anger that forgot where it came from."

"There's a whole category of people who miss out by not allowing themselves to be weird enough."