Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?

“Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.”

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.”

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.”

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. ”

“Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. ”

“Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”

“Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights! ”

“To err is human — and to blame it on a computer is even more so.”

“Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.”

“I take my children everywhere. Unfortunately, they find a way home.”

“Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.”

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.”

“Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected”

“More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems, back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.”

“Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.”

“There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.”

“Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.”

“Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?”

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

But what more oft in Nations grown corrupt, And by thir vices brought to servitude, Than to love Bondage more than Liberty, Bondage with ease than strenuous liberty;

He that has light within his own clear breast May sit in the center, and enjoy bright day: But he that hides a dark soul and foul thoughts Benighted walks under the mid-day sun; Himself his own dungeon.

The happy place Imparts to thee no happiness, no joy -- Rather inflames thy torment, representing Lost bliss, to thee no more communicable; So never more in Hell than when in Heaven.

A grateful mind by owing owes not, but still pays, at once indebted and discharged; what burden then?

While yet we live, scarce one short hour perhaps, Between us two let there be peace, both joining, As joined in injuries, and enmity Against a foe by doom express assigned us, That cruel serpent.

From morn to noon he fell, from noon to dewy eve, a summer's day; and with the setting sun dropped from the zenith like a falling star.

And what is faith, love, virtue unassay'd alone, without exterior help sustained?

Thus it shall befall Him, who to worth in women over-trusting, Lets her will rule: restraint she will not brook; And left to herself, if evil thence ensue She first his weak indulgence will accuse.

Go; for thy stay, not free, absents thee more.

Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.

Confounded, though immortal. But his doom, reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought both of lost happiness and lasting pain torments him.

That day I oft remember, when from sleep I first awaked, and found myself reposed, Under a shade, on flowers, much wondering where And what I was, whence thither brought, and how.