I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.

Every now and then I'm in a situation where someone doesn't recognize me, and I experience racism. Things like not being buzzed into a store or sitting in first class on a plane and having someone ask to see my ticket four times.

I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars. And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000 dollars. I'm thinking, 'I've got 45 grand left!' Taxes didn't even come into my equation. At the end of the first year of making 90 grand I was 25, 30 in the hole. We live in this baller, spend-money culture.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

I kind of keep my personality in my pocket a lot. When I start to do stand-up, that's not my true personality either. It's the personality of a guy who hasn't been able to say what he wanted to say.

It's like, hmm, there's people with $2000 weaves that could have bought health care with that weave money. They don't have insurance. People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack. That should be the name of my new DVD: 'Chris Rock: Slightly Above Hack'.

Men lie the most. Men lie all the time.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it's a privilege.

I'm severely overrated. I'm just above a hack.

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.

Pretty girls have problems too.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

You can write a great country record and still be angry. Who's angrier than Toby Keith? He's angrier than the average 10 rappers.

I used to hang out with grandfather all the time because he used to pick me up from school sometimes, or drive me to my mother's, so I'd be with my grandfather a lot. I used to watch him write his sermons.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.

My movies are okay, but they're not my specials.

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

Jokes rot. They're not like songs. I always envy singers - Sting is always going to sing 'Roxanne'. But people want to hear new jokes. I've written jokes as good as 'Roxanne', I believe. But I can't tell them again.

Hollywood's just not funny.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

I live way below my means.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or Joan Rivers. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics.

When I started out in comedy, it was common knowledge that it took about 10 years to get good. And that was okay because it took you about 9 years to get on television.

The thing that surprised me the most is just how much money women that weren't rich were paying for their hair. When you're in a beauty parlor in Harlem next to abandoned buildings and somebody's paying five grand for a weave, that's a bit much.

Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?

I'm a big fan of Katt Williams, Jim Gaffigan, Louie CK, Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Rich Vas, Joey Vega and Matt Claybrooks.

I love being famous. It's almost like being white.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.