"Racism isn’t born, folks. It’s taught. I have a 2-year-old son. Know what he hates? Naps. End of list."

"Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list."

"Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct."

"Let me tell you something: I love the Yankees. And let me tell you why: because without the Yankees, there is nobody to hate."

"Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads."

"There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance."

"Firefighters are some of the most selfless public servants you will ever encounter."

"I really like 'Batman.' Not the TV show, but the dark 'Batman.'"

"One thing that's great about firefighters: If they don't have the equipment they desperately need, they don't have the help, they don't care. They'll do it on their own."

"Most people don't know how underpaid and often ill-equipped urban fire departments are across North America."

"I want you to take away the hope because that's the thing that's killing me."

"No matter what anybody says, relationships are based on physical attraction. The first time I saw my wife, it was pure animal whatever."

"Good actors, especially when they know their character, will come in and either tell you in advance that they have an idea, or in the middle of the rehearsal or the scene they'll let it loose and you go, 'Ah that's great.'"

"I write what I think is funny and I write from a sense of popping a balloon or a sense of injustice, whether it's about yourself, or whether it's about something else. It's my worldview; it doesn't mean that everybody has to agree with it."

"Vacuuming is great. I do the laundry. I love washing machines. I'm the maid in my house."

"My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I has the chance."

"Kathy Bates is sexy. It's partly because of her talent, but she's got a great face, and a great laugh."

"Here's the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the "reason "they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us."

"Having dealt with a lot of real firefighters, I know there are a lot of guys who, for lack of a better term, become addicted to the grief because it has kept them connected to these guys that they felt responsible for having lost."

"I went to school with Steven Wright, who was the shyest guy I knew, and one day someone suddenly told me that he was in a club doing standup comedy. I went down to his club and he was great. Another friend of mine, who was pretty much a thief by trade, was hosting the show. So I thought, 'If these guys can do it, then so can I.'"

"My career plan at this point is 'Ice Age 5' through '10,' and even '12,' and 'Spider Man' - you know, basically I'd be Emma Stone's dad for the rest of my career. I really don't have any problem doing that."

"I'm still pretty self-centered, greedy and angry."

"I basically - I don't like tattoos, unless you're a firefighter who has a tattoo that has to do with that or a military guy. That's - those are people who should have tattoos."

"I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen."

"Life Sucks,get a helmet"

"I wanted to be a hockey player. Where I grew up, the basketball courts were rarely used. I was terrible in school and actually said, 'I'm going to be a hockey player.'"

"It would be great if firefighters across the country had the guarantee that they would be making enough money to support their family right from the get-go, but that's not the case."

"My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in."

"First of all, I have to have trucks because I live most of my time on a horse farm, so I've gotta have trucks. It's in the northeast; I've got to have pickup trucks to move snow, number one. Number two, just if I'm driving, I don't have to have an SUV, but I want a big car."

"How many whales do we really need? I figure five. One for each ocean."

"Sometimes 'great acting' is just showing off - chewing up scenery and dialogue and other actors - the equivalent of a theatrical sugar rush."

"I eat meat because meat tastes like murder, and murder tastes pretty dam good!"

"For us as writers, it's really important to have songs we believe in - even before sometimes we shoot a scene. If we have a song that's so perfectly designed for a scene on 'Rescue Me,' we'll play it on loud speakers during the shooting. It helps the cameraman and it helps the director, and it helps the actors know what the feel is."

"My nieces and my nephews think the only thing that I do is 'Ice Age.' That's fine with me because pretty soon they'll grow up enough to realize that I suck or that my time has passed, whichever it might be."

"Every job has parts of it that are a giant pain in the ass - whether you carry a penis or a purse."

"Hockey's my favorite sport."

"I'm born and raised in the Northeast. My parents are Irish immigrants. So our tendency is to shy away from the big yellow ball that comes up in the sky every once in a while."

"Firefighters don't go on strike."

"Loud, stupid and overeating will suffice as long as we also have the funny, the fierce and the intellectual"

"I've eaten things that didn't complain this much."

"We live in a country where John Lennon takes eight bullets, Yoko Ono is walking right beside him and not one hits her. Explain that to me!"

"I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with."

"The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work."

"Most movies suck, even the independent ones. Hollywood is like baseball: Hit three good ones out of 10 and you're a Hall of Famer."

"No woman can be completely happy at any one moment in time. They're always anticipating the next thing to argue or complain about."

"The only difference between kids and jungle animals is pants. Kids wear them. Jungle animals don't."

"The biggest battle for a lot of people who come out of the theater, which is where I was trained, is that they can never forget that a camera is pointed at them."

"The best comedy audiences in the country and this is tried and true, I'm not just saying it, in my opinion are Boston, Atlanta, and Chicago."

"Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out wh"I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens."y they said not to do it."

"I did 12 years with nuns, you know. So I came out of it going, like, 'I think Jesus is all right.' The rest of it I think stinks to the high heavens."