The Church is a perpetually defeated thing that always outlives her conquerers.

Whatever happens, we have got The Maxim gun, and they have not.

The Llama is a woolly sort of fleecy hairy goat, with an indolent expression and an undulating throat; like an unsuccessful literary man.

Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.

Write as the wind blows and command all words like an army!

When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.

If we are to be happy, decent and secure of our souls: drink some kind of fermented liquor with one's food; go on the water from time to time; dance on occasions, and sing in a chorus...

These are the advantages of travel, that one meets so many men whom one would otherwise never meet, and that one feeds as it were upon the complexity of mankind

For I know that we laughers have a gross cousinship with the most high, and it is this contrast and perpetual quarrel which feeds a spring of merriment in the soul of a sane man.

Do not, I beseech you, be troubled about the increase of forces already in dissolution. You have mistaken the hour of the night; it is already morning.

The prospect of refreshment at the charges of another is an opportunity never to be neglected by men of clear commercial judgment.

Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, there’s always laughter and good red wine.

Child! Do not throw this book about; refrain from the unholy pleasure of cutting all the pictures out.

Life is a veil, its paths are dark and rough Only because we do not know enough When Science has discovered something more We shall be happier than we were before.

Wherever the Catholic sun doth shine, There’s always laughter and good red wine. At least I’ve always found it so. Benedicamus Domino!

When they married and gave in marriage They danced at the County Ball And some of them kept a carriage And the flood destroyed them all.

The accursed power which stands on privilege( and goes with women, champagne and bridge)

If we do not restore the Institution of Property we cannot escape restoring the Institution of Slavery; there is no third course.

What is needed is a form of tax which not only spares the small man at the expense of his wealthier rival, but actually subsidizes the small man where subsidy is necessary.

… that exasperating quality for which we have no name, which certainly is not accuracy, and which is quite the opposite of judgement, yet which catches the mind as brambles do our clothes.

Every major question in history is a religious question. It has more effect in molding life than nationalism or a common language.

The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.

All men have an instinct for conflict: at least, all healthy men.

Loss and possession, death and life are one, There falls no shadow where there shines no sun.

It is sometimes necessary to lie damnably in the interests of the nation.

I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time.

Child! Do not throw this book about; refrain from the unholy pleasure of cutting all the pictures out.

I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

From quiet homes and first beginning, out to the undiscovered ends, there's nothing worth the wear of winning, but laughter and the love of friends.

The grace of God is courtesy.

Just as there is nothing between the admirable omelet and the intolerable, so with autobiography.

I am writing a book about the Crusades so dull that I can scarcely write it.

Be content to remember that those who can make omelettes properly can do nothing else.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

The microbe is so very small: You cannot take him out at all.

It is the best of all trades, to make songs, and the second best to sing them.

Any subject can be made interesting, and therefore any subject can be made boring.

Of all fatiguing, futile, empty trades, the worst, I suppose, is writing about writing.

Oh, my friends, be warned by me, That breakfast, dinner, lunch and tea, Are all human frame requires.

Is there no Latin word for Tea? Upon my soul, if I had known that I would have let the vulgar stuff alone.

An institute run with such knavish imbecility that if it were not the work of God it would not last a fortnight.

Every major question in history is a religious question. It has more effect in molding life than nationalism or a common language.

Statistics are the triumph of the quantitative method, and the quantitative method is the victory of sterility and death.

Money gives me pleasure all the time.

The pilgrim is humble and devout, and human, and charitable, and ready to smile and admire; therefore, he should comprehend the whole of his way, the people in it, and the hills and the clouds, and the habits of the various cities.

There is not anything that can so suddenly flood the mind with shame as the conviction of ignorance, yet we are all ignorant of nearly everything there is to be known.

I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said, 'His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

I have wandered all my life, and I have traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

The control of the production of wealth is the control of human life itself.