To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

You can have my jellyfish I am not sellyfish

If some confectioners were willing To let the shape announce the filling, We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs, Bitten into and returned to the box.

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.

Sure deck your lower limbs in pants; Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance– Have you seen yourself retreating?

Elephants are useful friends: they have handles on both ends.

There’s nothing that keeps it’s youth So far as I know, but a tree and the truth

Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.

Too clever is dumb.

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually becomes a cat.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. ~ Ogden Nash

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they really don’t want it.

Either you get eaten by a wolf today or else the shepherd saves you from the wolf so he can sell you to the butcher tomorrow

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

Progress is a fine thing, but it's gone on long enough.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A jolly young fellow from Yuma Told an elephant joke to a puma; now his skeleton lies beneath hot western skies- the puma had no sense of huma