When you lie you live in fear as well.

The sports are almost different cultures so saying I prefer one to the other is wrong. Rugby union is guided by a lot of rules, league by the players.

People tend to be consumed by sport when the big events come up.

Gay men are accepted in films, music and politics because people came out and broke the mould and stereotype in those industries. What I am trying to do is break the trend in rugby and sport in general and show any aspiring sportsman, regardless of his age, that the mould has been broken.

When I came out I hoped it would empower others - and it has.

Playing rugby has been my whole life and for me, keeping fit was part of my job. But when I gave up my career, I was determined to keep motivated, and that isn't always easy when you have lost the competitive edge to it.

As a professional sportsman, working out has always been an important part of my life.

I know it's not easy for people to get to a gym.

After giving up rugby, I wanted to keep busy.

I wish Mike Ruddock nothing but the very best in whatever he does in the future. I will always remember him as the guy who had the confidence to make me captain of Wales.

Sometimes, players find it impossible to see the bigger picture after games for the simple reason that we are the ones who have actually played.

Finding a release mechanism after the pressure of a Test-match week can take over, and the next game can seem as though it might as well be six months away.

When the Wales squad met up for the 2005 autumn internationals, I was already concerned that we were slipping into bad habits. And, yes, the role of head coach Mike Ruddock was, in my opinion, becoming a problem that would eventually need to be addressed if nothing changed.

If I keep getting letters or if I keep getting messages from people who are still taking strength from my story, who are still finding it difficult and struggling, then you know what, then I'll keep doing what I do.

I became a master of disguise and could play the straight man down to a tee, sometimes over-compensating by getting into fights or being overly aggressive because I didn't want the real me to be found out. So I created this alter ego, knowing full well that I was living in my little fantasy bubble, my shell.

When I was 16 or 17 I knew I was gay, but knowing and accepting are two very different things.

It is the toughest, most macho of male sports, and with that comes an image. In many ways, it is barbaric, and I could never have come out without first establishing myself and earning respect as a player. Rugby was my passion, my whole life, and I wasn't prepared to risk losing everything I loved.

I was never ever attracted to any of my rugby mates; I was really good at switching off my emotions and I wouldn't have even considered crossing that line.

I had a stroke in 2006. I thought: 'This is it.'

Someone said on social media that I was the son of Satan for being open about my sexuality. I told my mother, and she laughed and said, 'Well, what the hell does that make me?'

I find it hard to believe that people can be jealous of other people's success.

I don't take any day for granted, I work hard, I'm motivated.

I was born and raised to play rugby. I have two parents who are hugely proud of my rugby achievements, but even they say that maybe it was just a platform to give me a voice to do something better, and rugby wasn't what I was all about. Something else was.

I was always driven by the idea that if people ever found out about who I was then the stature I created for myself within rugby would have to be as relevant as the fact I was gay. It was always the driving factor to be the strongest, the fastest, the most skilful.