What are you doing here snooping around, Tory? (Medea) I didn’t think I was snooping. It didn’t feel like a snoop. I have snooped before and can honestly say this isn’t it. (Tory)

I want to hate you, but I can’t even stay mad at you. (Jericho) You know, I think you’re more in need of lessons on how to seduce than I am. Why don’t you call me fat and ugly while you’re at it? (Delphine)

What? Was that a laugh? (Delphine) No. (Jericho) Yes, it was. I heard it. Holy cow, call Hermes to spread the news. I think I just started the end of the world…it has to be a sign of the apocalypse. (Delphine)

You rang, Mino- well, you’re not really the Minor Master anymore, are you? What should I call you? (Asmodeus) Think of a polite term, demon. (Jericho) Mister Master it is. What can I do for you? (Asmodeus)

As the great poet wrote, ‘To thine own self be true.’…What? You don’t think a Skotos can be literate? I happen to love Shakespeare. Hamlet is one of my faves. (Zeth) I’m not touching that one with tongs and a gas mask. (Jericho)

Why would you do that? (Delphine) Why do you think? (Jericho) Because I’m a bossy hag and you’d rather be enslaved to a man you hate than deal with me. (Delphine) You know…you’re not funny. (Jericho) I think I’m hysterical. (Delphine)

If I’m not back in a few hours…well, I don’t want to think about that. I might change my mind about doing this. I’m thinking happy thoughts. Creamed dog innards and rotten steak. Yeah. Yum! (Asmodeus)

You hurt any of us or those we love again and so help me, I won’t stop until I’ve pulled you into so many pieces, you’ll think you’ve been through a grinder. (Fang)

I see time away hasn’t made you any more charming. (Fang) Oh, I can be charming. I just choose not to. People start to think you like them, then when you stab them in the back, they take it so personally. Really pisses me off. (Thorn)

What’s this? (Fang) One for all and all for fun, my friend. You didn’t think I’d let you fight demons all on your own, did you? (Thorn)

Count yourself lucky. I watched my entire family as they were eaten alive by the very pack of animals you have downstairs in your house with your child. The blood of my parents flowed from their bodies through the floorboards and drenched me while I lay in terror of being torn apart by them. I was only a year older than your child when it happened. My parents gave their lives for mine and I watched as they gave them. So you’ll have to excuse me if I have a hard time thinking good of any animal except those who are dead or caged. (Angelia)

But on the upside, your seraph form will never age. And the only way to die is by a demon blade. As long you survive fighting them, you’re immortal to the things that would kill a normal human. Think of the money you’ll save on medical bills. (Jack)

who are you? really." Nykyrian shrugged. "Never figured it out. takes too much time to think about myself, and time is one luxury i don't own." pg.90

Yeah, it’s me, but I like to think I looked better when we met. ‘Cause right now, I’m pretty much hogging all the ugly. (Nick)

What is that smell? (Nick) (It was like three-day-old cat vomit mixed with rotten asparagus.) Duck urine. It keeps the zombies from thinking I’m human. (Mark) Yeah, well it keeps me from thinking you’re sane. (Nick)

Oh, gross! Zombie goo. (Caleb) Ooo, I wonder if it tastes like chicken? What do you think? (Simi) I think I’m never eating guacamole again as long as I live. (Caleb)

Good question. (Acheron) I have a better one. How are we going to clean up this mess? (Kyrian) Nah, mine’s even better. How do you hide a chainsaw in your locker at school? I’m thinking they’re not going to stop, and while the school has a strict no-weapons policy, I don’t think the plastic sporks in the cafeteria are going to do much to combat them. I need protection, man. Serious protection. (Nick)

Yeah, I’m thinking it’s a reunion or, since it is our classmates, a collection of idiots. Let’s call it a meese. Like geese, only with morons. (Caleb)

Oh yeah, Scooby, it does. You and I have gone round many a day. I’m the reason you keep thinking you’ve had alien abductions. (Caleb)

The Chinese say that you should never, ever buy a used desk unless you know the history of it. They claim that if it belonged to a bad businessman, his karma will befall you. This one here belonged to President Kennedy. So what do you think that means? (Randy) I don’t know, but if I were you, I wouldn’t ride through Dallas in a convertible in November. Bad feng shui. (Steele)

Interested in some ‘undercover’ work? And to think, I was actually having a tender thought about you. Do yourself a favor, Steele…Become mute.

Honey, you need to get laid. (Selena) Why don’t you speak a little louder, Lanie? I don’t think the guys in Canada were able to hear you. (Grace) Oh, I don’t know. They’re probably headed south even as we speak. (Waiter)

She couldn’t very well let him join her in bed like that. Sure you could. No I can’t. Please? Hush, self, let me think.’ (Grace)

Did they practice looking suspicious in mirrors? Welcome to the United States. Don’t even think about chewing gum the wrong way.’ (Carlos)