I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

Funny is funny is funny.

I don't have a stack of scripts.

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I'm very open to the up-and-comers.

I've been a very lucky actor.

It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.

When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

You see idiots on the net but on TV you can't really find them.

They asked me to go on 'Hell's Kitchen' but I'm banned from reality TV by my wife. She's not up for that kind of tomfoolery.