"When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again."

"I do have to say that I think that President Obama is the greatest President in the history of all of our Presidents, and that he can do no wrong in my book. So how's that for prejudice on the Democratic side?"

"If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is."

"I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area."

"My brother and I tortured my mother growing up."

"I'm a pretty boring guy. Compared to Ashton Kutcher, I live a really boring existence."

"Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland."

"What's politically correct a lot of times is not funny."

"I fell asleep during 'Year One' twice. And my son, who never falls asleep during a Jack Black movie, also nodded off. That's how bad it was. I was incredibly disappointed."

"I obviously identify with the anti-authority figure. I've pretty much always had problems with authority, ever since I was a kid."

"Science fiction was never my thing. I have no interest in it. So I don't think I could successfully pull off being on a project like that without really losing my mind."

"I can't text. My fingers are too big."

"I wasn't the best student. I wasn't stupid, but I wasn't paying a lot of attention."

"Doing the same character over and over, it gets boring."

"I always hated the Grateful Dead. Never even bought a Led Zeppelin album."

"When I'm on stage, that's me. It's blown up, but that's me."

"Temptation's something you have to deal with even if you're not famous. It's harder when you're famous because it's a lot more in your face, and that makes it a little more difficult to walk away from sometimes."

"It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'"

"The Social Wishlist on Facebook is a great example of everything right about social media."

"Nobody can make more fun of me than I already make of myself."

"I studied acting in school and then, of course, couldn't get an acting job."

"I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award."

"I'm no day at the beach. And if it is a beach, it's Hampton Beach. Ever been there? It's not nice."

"I bought my daughter a Chihuahua and I fell in love with it. So now I carry Coco around with me all the time."

"Jon Stewart is exactly the same guy he's always been, only with money. He knows that the moment he really believes he's important, the funny goes away and he becomes Bill O'Reilly, except shorter and Jewish."

"There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothes that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid."

"I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture."

"My father left Ireland because he did not want to muck horse manure for the rest of his life, and he wanted to come to New York."

"I like Jesus, I mean, I think he was a good guy."

"The first movie I saw where it convinced me I could be an actor was 'Mean Streets,' so whenever I see Robert De Niro and he says, 'Hi, Denis,' it's still a really big deal."

"My only worry about tweeting and modern technology is how it has crept into even the darkest corners of the absolute global village we live in."

"If you had no enemies, you had no fun."

"George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live."

"I believe in prescription drugs. I believe in feeling better."

"I don't watch 'American Idol.' I don't watch any of that stuff."

"You try to - you want to fly on both sides of the political fence because that's where the - where the comedy is."

"I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries."

"My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen."

"I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor."

"Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family."

"I would have to commit a crime and have cops chase me. That would be the only way to get me to jog five miles."

"I don't want a president like me! I suck, okay. I want an elitist, smart guy."

"I'm pretty much a chocolate guy. I'm up for any type of chocolate. Any chocolate."

"People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes!"

"My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave."

"I'm not really a Spider-Man fan. I'm more of a Batman guy."

"When I go to Batman movies, I always think, 'Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.' especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era."

"You know it’s Ash Wednesday? Really? I just thought people suddenly decided to start putting cigarettes out on their foreheads."

"In my experience in series TV, if you have a good crew and a great cast, it's going to be a great group - similar to the theater where it's a bunch of people who are really talented and go to work each day and challenge each other, and if you are lucky enough to get a hit then it's five or six or seven years of this kind of work."

"I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have."