"I'm from the Vietnam generation. I didn't serve."

"The reason I wrote political satire was because I thought it - politics - was important... that public policy was important. Then I transitioned into books, then into radio."

"Bill Clinton is the greatest president of the 20th century because I played touch football with him."

"Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I."

"In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest. That's bad news for everyone else - and for our democracy itself."

"Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices have all presented challenges to antitrust enforcement."

"I grew up in Minnesota, where we treasure our tradition of civic engagement - and our record of having the nation's highest voter participation."

"Most Americans don't think about antitrust law when they look at their cable bill, flip channels on TV, or worry about what their favorite website knows about them. But they should."

"I just can't sit still and meditate; that doesn't kind of work for me. I don't even know exactly what it means."

"Small businesses should have the same ability to reach customers as powerful corporations. A blogger should have the same ability to find an audience as a media conglomerate."

"The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens."

"Progressives, in a way, are the new conservatives. We want to conserve what we fought to build."

"Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged."

"Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet."

"Terrorism, to me, is the use of terror for political purpose, and terror is indiscriminate murder of civilians to make a political point."

"My views about God come from my dad. Dad told me that he believed Nature, which to him included humankind, to be so beautiful, so magnificent, that there had to be something behind it all."

"I ask the American people not to fall victim to disinformation. There are no death panels. The Affordable Care Act cuts the deficit."

"I do have a self-censor; everybody does, or at least most who are not pathological do."

"My dad was a terrible businessman."

"Some of my colleagues seem more interested in using every procedural method possible to keep the Senate from doing anything than they are in creating jobs or helping Americans struggling in a difficult economy."

"Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum."

"I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam."

"I couldn't think of anything less appealing than molding the minds of tomorrow's leaders."

"Sometimes if I tell people, 'I'm afraid that I'm really a fraud,' or 'I have a lot of self-doubt,' they go, 'Oh, no, you're kidding.' I go, 'No, I'm really honest.'"

"People lucky enough to live in the vicinity of an industrial hog farm are, with each breath, made keenly aware of the cause of their declining property values."

"I don't know how many of you have been to New York, but if a building is two blocks away from anything, you can't see it."

"The way I see it, I'm not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I'm going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota."

"If you use Facebook - as I do - Facebook in all likelihood has a unique digital file of your face, one that can be as accurate as a fingerprint and that can be used to identify you in a photo of a large crowd."

"The Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to corporations."

"Why don't we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers."

"We need to start by having a conversation about climate change. It would be irresponsible to avoid the issue just because it's uncomfortable to talk about."

"Let's not let the government sell us out. Let's fight for net neutrality."

"If someone hacks your password, you can change it - as many times as you want."

"Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other."

"Minnesotans lost their jobs because the credit rating agencies didn't do the only job they're supposed to have, the only job they had, which is to give accurate, objective ratings to financial products."

"I know I have an awful lot to learn from the people of Minnesota."

"I'm the New York Jew who actually grew up in Minnesota."

"I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals."

"I hope you realize, in a democracy, laughter is assent."

"My dad didn't graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time."

"My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett."

"If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor."

"I am a Minnesotan, and not just because I root for the Vikings and the Twins. I like the Minnesota-nice sensibility. I like the liberal tradition; I like the Hubert Humphrey tradition fighting for civil rights."

"There's plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it's a serious business."

"When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota."

"For 35 years, I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren't funny. Some of them weren't appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that."

"There's an appeal to the American sense of exceptionalism, that we're morally superior, as way to not be self-critical. I think that's a bit dangerous."

"If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it'd be a travesty."

"I'm a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I'm invited to all the inaugural balls."

"It's hard for a liberal to go on between Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, because it's like doing country music after hip-hop. I mean, just, the audience doesn't go from one to the other."