Thankfully, beauty is easier to remove than apply, and a swipe of demaquillage in the right direction and you are you once again.

I mean, what's great about touring is that's what you do. You're in a constant state of motion and then you stop to do a show and you move onto the next city. All you have to do is do the show. That's the only responsibility that you have.

I am star-struck but also I've known a lot of people for a long time. Like I'm super star-struck by Grant Lee Phillips and Jon Brion but I've known them for 17 years. So it's kinda like weird to be star-struck still, but I still am!

I thought I was so ugly for so long, and I wasted so much of my life on this dumb notion.

My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex - ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant.

You don't become a Republican until you lose all your baby teeth and fall down a lot and get the croup and then become angry and bitter.

When you feel powerful, you are willing to stand up for your rights, you are willing to stand up for what you believe in, you're more willing to stand up and be counted.

I think self-deprecation is such a disease, and I want to cure everybody of it and so that's my contribution.

I was raised to be self-conscious about weight. Then as I got older and started doing television, it became a career issue, like, 'You have to lose weight or you'll lose that job.'

My mother goes crazy over babies. Some people just do. They love 'em! I never have. Babies scare me more than anything. They're tiny and fragile and impressionable - and someone else's! As much as I hate borrowing stuff, that is how much I hate holding other people's babies. It's too much responsibility.

I grew up a witness to gay politics in its early days. I remember seeing Harvey Milk and been moved by him.

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.

I don't really know what 'selling out' is exactly. I would sell out if I could, but nobody's buying it. I would love to go mainstream, but my comedy is too edgy. It's always too dirty. It's always too filthy. I'm dying to sell out. But I love doing comedy, I love touring, and I think I would do everything for free.

For women in my family, in Korean culture, women are really valued in their youth, and then when they get older, it's like they almost become irrelevant.

People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the best state in the union to live in.

I am in love with Counting Crows. It is so manly and American.

When it comes to children, my mom doesn't believe in borders. She loves all children, and that's a good example of mothering the world. I need to do that, but before I can, I need to get over my fear of kids in the first place.

Some people are that - more than a parent, more than a role model, more than anything less than a religion.

I'm always surprised when I get recognized.

I'm super-obsessed with 'Intervention.' I wrote a song about it.

Snooki is really beautiful and looks quite like Elizabeth Taylor in 'Cleopatra.' She has the same bone structure. I'm kind of obsessed with 'Jersey Shore.' People don't give them enough credit for how entertaining they are.

In America, I'm a foreigner because of my Korean heritage. In Asia, because I was born in America, I'm a foreigner. I'm always a foreigner.

Try to put your happiness before anyone else's, because you may never have done so in your entire life, if you really think about it, if you are really honest with yourself.

Ugly. Is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.

If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach.

To be a feminist is to be alive.

I get up around 7 a.m. That's very early for a stand-up comic. Then I'll have breakfast with my husband, the artist Al Ridenour, take my three dogs for a walk and commence with my work.

It's very hard for a woman in comedy. It's hard for women to be bold and not care what anyone, particularly men, think. Maybe that is why so many women comics are lesbians.

Comedy was all I ever wanted.

I really love Steve Martin and all the stuff he did in the '70s. I think it's really great.

I love singing and that's kind of my new thing.

I think reality television is such a special talent.

I love fashion, I'm actually a pretty talented seamstress, so I can make stuff for myself, but that's really time-consuming.

I love New York. I love working here.

You don't need people to tell you how beautiful you are on there.

Why go through life feeling cheated? It does nothing but make you bitter.

I will never stop complaining.

Grow up and let anyone try to contend with the adult you.

Comedy was the key to everything. I grew up fast and controlled my future by bringing it on faster than it naturally unfolded. I cheated myself out of a childhood but then got a running headstart into adulthood that no one else could keep up with.

We women are constantly at war with our bodies, it is hard to find amnesty for ourselves.

I think that all bodies are beautiful in millions of different ways but I get down on myself too!

I think the best way to get over your body issues is to just flaunt your body at every opportunity.

Babies got it going on!

I think it is time for all babies to let us know who they want for president.

I have 3 dogs myself - I actually have a kennel license in order to do so. I love them so much I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I love animals.

I think it is really sad that when people lose their homes they kind of lose their minds too.

I am a big 'Ellen' fan. I have been one for quite a long time now. I used to do the local news talk shows with her in San Francisco, when we were both still kids.

My life is anything but typical.

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.