I looked around and couldn't believe no one has written a show about women and eating. It's the biggest issue women have.

None of my comedy depended on looks. I never did tons of fat jokes.

I lost over 100 pounds, so I'm even angrier than ever. I don't stuff my feelings anymore with food. Skinny girls are funny.

By Hollywood standards I'm still fat: until you are zero, you are big. I do get cold a lot now. I used to have a lot of layers - now I got to get a fur coat.

I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever.

I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines.

I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey.

I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about mine, maybe they can feel better about theirs.

I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger.

I really think the biggest honor, as a comic, is to get roasted by either the Friars Club or the Comedy Central or someone like that. Because it really shows, you know, that you've arrived.

What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes.

I can really serve the audience instead of making this about me and about serving myself and my pocketbook.

Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here.

Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump.

William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever.

By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there?

In the end, censoring a comedian's jokes is on par with censoring 'Huckleberry Finn.' Now, I'm not comparing myself to Mark Twain - he had much wavier hair and a slightly thicker mustache. But when you deny an artist the chance to explore his art, you're forcing your beliefs on him.

Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody.

You have to really be on your own side.

I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net.

Until I got the weight off, there was something inside of me that said, 'You hate yourself.' You get too depressed over the weight to really work on this. For whatever reason, I had to take the weight off to do this work.

Basically, I think some of the weight helped take some of the walls down in reality, so basically I got a little more confident. I'm definitely not super confident, but I am confident that I don't have to hide behind those layers of fat and that I can actually open up to people a little more.

It used to be that in media, Johnny Carson used to be the most important person when he would invite you over to sit on the couch after your comedy skit. Now it's whatever Howard Stern says goes.

I remember once doing a benefit for a Jewish charity and wearing an enormous cross. I kind of don't let the audience dictate anything to me. I sort of dictate to them, and they better be on board.

I usually get so warned when I go to Detroit, like, 'Oh my God, don't go to this section, don't go to that section.' I've never had any issues in Detroit. I love that there's enough of a racial mix of people to make fun of. I've always had a good time there.

A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I'd be the most flattered I'd be in my life. If I could pick some people to roast, I'd pick my heroes, Don Rickles and Howard Stern. Those are the people I'd like to give some honor to.

The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun.

I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems.

I'm not saying the N word anymore.

I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.

'Baywatch' sucks so bad. I didn't watch it the first time around; I'm sure not going to buy a DVD. But really, you just kind of find out the categories of what's most foolish about these people. With Hasselhoff, it's obviously the huge man-tits with chest hair, probably a lot about his crappy acting, obviously the hamburger video - that's huge.

Freedom comes from strength and self-reliance.

What people unfortunately relate to when they think of Alaska oil was when the Exxon Valdez went aground because of a captain that was drunk. But when you look to how we have been safely producing and moving Alaska's oil for decades, it is a track record that is enviable.

I don't fit neatly into anybody's political boxes, and I think that sometimes disturbs people. But I don't think most Alaskans fit neatly into the Republican box or the Democratic box. They don't think of themselves that way.

We have so many issues in this country to focus on that worry us, that I question why there is such focus on the simple right of people to love whom they will.

Alaskans need some certainty and clarity over how the Pebble Partnership intends to proceed. I understand the complexity of a project like this, and I appreciate the investments that have been made in Alaska already. But a reliable timeline has been missing, and I hope that the companies will provide one soon.

I was advised by my assistant that the women of the Senate don't do potlucks. To which I responded, 'Of course we do.'

The Voting Rights Act of 1965 brought an end to the ugly Jim Crow period in American history.

I am still a Republican. I have not changed that.

I'm not - I'm not going to define people by labels: who's a real Republican, who's not a real Republican.

In order to represent the state, you've got to be in the state.

I believe it is important that Title X organizations continue to receive funding.

Think about how our country was built. The greatness came from our diversity; the greatness came from individuals with different perspectives coming together.

I think that the ability to export our abundant resources of LNG is good for us and quite honestly helps with the balance-of-trade issue. Japan would love to see LNG coming from its friend and closest ally, the United States.

I wish that I could tell you that I have a season ski pass, but I have had to give that up since I've been in the Senate.

From 2002-2008, Planned Parenthood received $342 million in federal taxpayer money through Title X funding alone. With these funds, Planned Parenthood has provided women throughout the U.S. with important family planning and contraceptive services as well as screening for breast and cervical cancers for low-income women.

I'm not a gym rat. I've got a gym membership, but my schedule is so crazy I just can't keep it regular.

America's neighbors are not drilling for fun or for sport; they've chosen to proceed to create new jobs, generate new revenues, and increase the energy supply and prosperity of their citizens.

There are many outsiders that actively try to halt every natural resource development project in Alaska. Many of these same people have never even been to Alaska, yet they claim to know what's best for us.

I believe marriages should be legally defined as between one man and one woman.