I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too.

I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand.

If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people.

I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much.

The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere.

I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes?

I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest.

Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard.

I don't know what 'famous' is, really.

I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit.

I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference.

For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see.

I've done some luxury flying, which is brilliant. It has only happened once or twice, but it was nice because flying is the worst part of the holiday. But then again, if the plane crashes, you're still dead. For that much money I'd want a little capsule that whizzed me off to safety if it was going to crash.

Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says.

I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan.

I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there.

People say if bees die out, the world would end, apparently. Now, I don't know if that's true, if that's some bee enthusiast who managed to write a good document, and people believe this.

We should all love animals.

Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do.

People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option?

All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird.

Beauty is that which is simultaneously attractive and sublime.

A family can develop only with a loving woman as its center.

Man is a creative retrospection of nature upon itself.

Combine the extremes, and you will have the true center.

Mysteries are feminine; they like to veil themselves but still want to be seen and divined.

Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos.

Every uneducated person is a caricature of himself.

Eternal life and the invisible world are only to be sought in God. Only within Him do all spirits dwell. He is an abyss of individuality, the only infinite plenitude.

Art and works of art do not make an artist; sense and enthusiasm and instinct do.

The historian is a prophet looking backward.

Ideas are infinite, original, and lively divine thoughts.

Many a witty inspiration is like the surprising reunion of befriended thoughts after a long separation.

Reason is mechanical, wit chemical, and genius organic spirit.

Where there is politics or economics, there is no morality.

In the world of language, or in other words in the world of art and liberal education, religion necessarily appears as mythology or as Bible.

A so-called happy marriage corresponds to love as a correct poem to an improvised song.

God is each truly and exalted thing, therefore the individual himself to the highest degree. But are not nature and the world individuals?

Morality without a sense of paradox is mean.

All the classical genres are now ridiculous in their rigorous purity.

Plato's philosophy is a dignified preface to future religion.

What is lost in the good or excellent translation is precisely the best.

Wit as an instrument of revenge is as infamous as art is as a means of sensual titillation.

Nothing is more witty and grotesque than ancient mythology and Christianity; that is because they are so mystical.

Novels are the Socratic dialogues of our time. Practical wisdom fled from school wisdom into this liberal form.

It is peculiar to mankind to transcend mankind.

Set religion free, and a new humanity will begin.

Religion is not only a part of education, an element of humanity, but the center of everything else, always the first and the ultimate, the absolutely original.

Versatility of education can be found in our best poetry, but the depth of mankind should be found in the philosopher.

One has only as much morality as one has philosophy and poetry.