My family is funny. I think you're born with the gene.

When all my girlfriends were watching 'ER,' I was watching episodes of 'Kids in the Hall.'

What keeps me going is that this I all there is. I am a comedian, and this is what I do. It's like telling a fish to stop swimming. It'll die.

There's a way to express femininity and independence and strength without going for hanging fruit.

I prefer social politics to politics.

When I started my career, I started with black comics: Bruce Bruce, Mark Curry, Bill Bellamy. It takes all kinds of influences.

Getting to prove yourself in a room that's not your typical demo is an experience every comic should try. It makes you better.

I was always rewarded for being funny. I liked being funny.

My whole life, I knew that I was going to be funny for a living.

I'm always looking for bigger audiences and bigger stages. Really, however I can reach my fans is what will make me happy - well, I'll actually probably never be happy.

I'm going to die unhappy. That's how artists roll!

My hair is just like five pieces of very soft straw that needs managing. I touch my hair a lot, and that makes it crazy.

It's always nice to be paid to be in Las Vegas.

I don't think anyone leaves Las Vegas rejuvenated, their skin shining, their bank accounts glowing. No one leaves Vegas, like, 'I didn't make one mistake. That felt great. Back to work.'

Whenever I play Las Vegas, they always give you a suite, and it's really nice, and it always comes with a large bathtub.

I've built a career on evenly entertaining men and women. And I'm kind of known for not making either side feel bad.

Getting on stage and screaming at all Republicans does nothing more than isolate people.

I think people have to understand that 'empowering' for women doesn't mean negating men.

My passion in life isn't politics. It truly is connecting to people and women.

You can make people laugh, but having them really want to hear what you have to say, that takes trust and time.

Everybody has their cross to bear, and everybody has their issues. But it still never once occurred to me that I'm not as good as everyone else. And that's a gift I wish I could give to every girl.

I don't know what it's like to be mocked because of your skin color. I don't know what it's like to feel overweight. All I can do as a woman is have compassion, treat other women with kindness, and allow them to just be happy and not judge them for it.

My only agenda is trying to make you laugh and say something smart.

I've never been the kind of woman that hates other women, particularly based on their attractiveness.

It's only through aging and going through heartbreak and loss and successes and failures that you can look back and look at the mistakes some young people make.

I'm not winning any modeling awards, I'm not a Rhodes Scholar, but I genuinely feel that if you're taking time out of your day and your energy to comment on my art, then I got your attention.

I would tell my 23-year-old self to be friends with more comics.

I've been entertaining men with my comedy for many, many years, and I don't plan on stopping.

I think more than anything, as a comedian, I grow tired of the unoriginality of 'crazy cat lady' jokes. It's a hacky joke based on an already-played-out stereotype.

Women are often scrutinized when they have pets that men wouldn't have. We are immediately faulted for having the wrong kind of pet rather than anyone first think, 'Wow, she rescued an animal that would have been otherwise killed and gave them a great home - how sweet!'

To be labeled pathetic because you enjoy the company of a loving creature who is always down to hang out, sleep, and eat with you is unfair.

The world is a scary place. Even my mother has suggested I take a self defense class.

What I have found that my comedy is doing - and what really drives me - is to sort of bring women together through pointing out why we act so crazy.

I was frustrated in general with the way women are always portrayed. And it's always through a man's eyes.

I remember playing a college in Michigan, and they all held up their hand to show me where they live, which made me wonder what weird alien cult I had entered.

There's nothing 'flash in the pan' about my career. It's been built fan by fan, city by city.

There's no anger in my act towards anyone other than myself... and maybe airlines.

I was a huge 'Blind Date' fan, though, when I was younger; that was on when I was in high school.

I'm certainly not a supermodel.

If a guy is just genuine and honest, girls gravitate towards that, and girls love it when you open up.

I really respect my craft and obligation to my audience.

I really respect Samantha Bee.

There should be an F.A.A. fine for those who bring hot food that emits odor onto the plane. You're deemed selfish, and you have to take some sort of social awareness class.

Always be nice to the front desk staff because they can choose to make your life a living hell, and they'll remember you.

When you travel, try having an open mind, not just about the city that you're in but about the surrounding areas.

I think a big part of feminism - and this is something I'm sure a bunch of women will take my head off for - but a big part of feminism is women allowing other women to just be the kind of women that they are.

I think we're very quick to rip other women apart when they don't fit our mold, which, quite frankly, is just as bad as a man tearing you down for something, if not worse.

It's never occurred to me - and I don't know what right mixture of upbringing this was - that my opinion wasn't as important as the alpha males or that I shouldn't try or that I wasn't the funniest one in the room.

I think that it's an easy thing to say, that whenever women do stand up, that 'Oh, they must hate men' - and I'm like, 'Well, if you listen carefully, it's actually a lovely tutorial that I wouldn't give to men unless I cared.'

I used to take a recorder around and interview my parents and do impressions of my classmates as guests on my show.