I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.

If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day.

An insult is mean or unkind. Milton Berle called me the Sultan of Insult, and I was called the King of Insult. But the guy that gave me the best title - and I use it to this day - was Johnny Carson. He called me Mr. Warmth.

I couldn't sell air conditioners on a 98-degree day. When I demonstrated them in a showroom, I pushed the wrong button and blew the circuit.

My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me.

Las Vegas is the boiling pot of entertainment.

My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic.

You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.

If I were to insult people and mean it, that wouldn't be funny.

Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner.

Girls were scared of me because I can be loud. Barbara, my wife of 51 years, is very low-key. She was my picture agent's secretary.

Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood.

Honestly, I didn't realize it - all of a sudden, I was 90. The years skipped by quickly. When it happened, I said, 'Where did the time go?'

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.

My whole act is off the top of my head.

Frank Sinatra. Hey, Frank, I saw you in 'The Pride and Passion,' and I want to tell you the cannon was wonderful!

Sinatra had a lot of mood swings, but he was wonderful to my wife Barbara and to me. He made no bones about who he liked and who he loved, and he had this great charisma. When he walked into a room, it stopped. I've only seen that happen with Ronald Reagan.

I busted my bird for 60 years in the business, but my grandkids only know me as Mr. Potato Head.

There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage.

The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

I write my own tweets.

My mother was a Jewish General Patton.

The girls, like, in we'll say Hooters, have less clothing than the girls I worked with in those days. We thought it was wild when they just wore little bells and so forth. But today, in restaurants, some of the waitresses almost work in the nude, you know, to get business.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine.

I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.'

I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.

I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.

Johnny Carson was a big influence on me - all of those shows I did with him over the years, like, 100 of them, they made a bit of a name for me at the time, so that part of my life was very good.

In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.

Being in the Navy, when I came home, it changed your whole life. You're 18, you go away for two and a half years, you come home - boy, you're a different person.

Compared to what comics say today, I'm a monk, but in those days, it was unheard of to make fun of people like I did. Of course, they exaggerated how outrageous I really was.

The inaugural of Ronald Reagan, with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. And that was the greatest thing. Ronald Reagan and George Bush. That was - I still remember like it was yesterday.

I'm a New Yorker, originally. I was raised in Jackson Heights. I went to P.S. 148 and then Newtown High School. If World War II didn't come, I'd still be there in school. World War II saved me.

I say things I get away with, and it becomes a joke.

Herb Solo at that time was the head of MGM. I said, 'I want to live like Clint Eastwood.' Did I know at that time Clint Eastwood, to him, Heaven was a truck, a dog, and a picnic basket for food or something?

I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.

When I walk down the street in New York, I swear to God, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, 'Hey, you hockey puck!'