A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive.

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it.

When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.'

I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category.

The highest of highs is to have a new routine that you're just breaking in and that's working, and that's - you're one step removed doing a situation comedy because you have a live audience there.

Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.

If 'The New York Times' says it, it must be true.

I would say I came from upper middle class family.

I always hated when the studios just kind of said that anybody can act. You look at people like Spencer Tracy, Henry Fonda - and I'm just talking about the male actors - there aren't a lot who can act. It's a very special talent, and I wish it were recognized as a very special talent.

People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy.

'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' was the best television, the best cast, the best-written television show ever.

I left 'The Bob Newhart Show,' which was my decision. CBS wanted it to go on. But I could see television changing; I could see the tastes were changing.

I found the most difficult thing when you became successful - when I had the record album, it won Album of the Year - that you were cut off from the source of your material. Your material was everyday people, and you were kind of cut off from that, and you had to work at it.

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke.

I can't do a one-camera show. I don't know how to do that kind of show where you count in your head and then you do the next line.

I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me.

I loved 'Everybody Loves Raymond' because I like Ray and I thought it was beautifully cast, I thought it was great writing. I thought Patricia Heaton was wonderful.

I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!

When I first started out, 'Time' magazine did an article on what it called 'the sick comics,' and they were myself, Shelley Berman, Nichols & May, Jonathan Winters, Lenny Bruce, and Mort Sahl. We were considered 'sick.'

I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel.

I'm not what you'd call a Method actor.

Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history.

Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.'

The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills.

With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone.

If you look at Jack Benny, George Burns, or Don Rickles, they've all had long, successful marriages. So, I think there's something about laughter and the durability of a marriage.

For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results.

Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life.

Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammerers generally think of ourselves as very bright.

The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences.

I made people laugh as a kid, but that's not how you make a living.

The acting is better when you know your material is being judged.

I don't watch that much television.

I thought one of the best things I ever did in my career was getting my first staff together at OU... That's exciting to me. The opportunity to put it together and help it grow.

There was a period of time where the two most wanted guys in the state of Oklahoma were me and Josh Heupel. Me for suggesting that you could throw the ball at Oklahoma and in the Big 12. And Josh Heupel for having the temerity to play quarterback and not be able to run faster than 5 flat.

If you're winning and can stay on the field offensively and move the ball, that's what we want.

I'm big on that: In life, everything has its time.

Depending on where you're at or the ownership you're working for, some of the college jobs may be better than some in the NFL.

I've always believed if a young guy has a chance to play, why would you explain where his weakness is? The only reason would be to help the other team, or to help a gambler.

When I grew up, and I've said this a lot, but I was a long time Oklahoma fan. I always followed them all the way while growing up in Ohio.

I remember embracing our championship tradition, telling our players that this is what we should expect to be; this is what Oklahoma is supposed to be. And we're going to do all we can to be that. And if we don't, there will be no excuses. You either do or you don't.

We could fill up a whole hour's television show talking about coach's recruiting stories, I love them, they're the best.

You know, if I've done anything right, it has been hiring the right people.

I have incredible respect for Coach Switzer.

I just love to play football and enjoy it.

Boomer Sooner!

They said 'the SEC this, the SEC that.' I said, 'You talk like all 14 teams are this, that and the other thing.' I said, 'You have to give credit to the first one or two that have won the national championship, but don't act like they're all doing that.'

No one wants to hear that, but life changes. If it changes, you have to change with it, to whatever degree.

I think proximity in recruiting matters the most.

I'm especially thankful for being able to coach so many talented young men over my 18 years here. It has been so rewarding to see these players come to OU and mature over a four- or five-year career, and not just on the field. To play a small part in their growth is what I will always cherish the most.