Any book is a self-help guide if you can take something from it.

Long time no see. I only pray the caliber of your questions has improved.

The writer crafts their ideal world. In my world, everyone has really long conversations or just picks apart pop culture to death and everyone talks in monologue.

People like to set the bar high. I like to put the bar on the ground and barely step over it. I like to keep the expectations really low.

You can have 10 bucks to 10 million bucks and if you got a crew, imagination and a lot of people willing to turn in some work next to nothing, you going to have a feature. But you can't get beyond how expensive marketing the movie is, it's so crushing.

All these people who say success changes people; well, no, it just magnifies what's there.

If you're lucky, you go from being a movie fan to a movie maker.

From now on, any flick I'm ever involved with, I conduct critics screenings thusly: 'You wanna see it early to review it? Fine: pay like you would if you saw it next week.'

It's taken me 15 years to step behind a camera and make something everyone agrees looks like a movie.

AZRAEL: No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air.

When you're a filmmaker you're part of a very expensive art form.

It's kind of debatable whether or not the advertisement model is effective. Like whether Nielsen works. For years, Nielsen has been based on sampling. It's not like an electronic bullet that hits your house that tells the people at networks at all times what you're watching.

Dudes know I'm not a threat. Chicks know I'm not a threat.

The older you get, the more you realize you cannot win on the Internet.

I think the advent of the Internet gave us all a big boost, because by the time the Internet became mainstream and you could get it in your home, a lot of us were used to dealing in fan culture, writing to magazines or anything at the back of comic books.

The first few films I made didn't look good at all, and I wasn't trying to make them look good. People dig 'em because they like the content.

I feel like if you're in Jersey, you have to be a Jersey Devils fan. Anybody born within the confines of the border of the state of New Jersey, I feel, should be a Jersey Devils fan.

The only thing of value I have in this life is my ability to tell a story, whether in print, orating, writing it down or having people acting it out. That's why I'm always hoping society never collapses because the first ones to go will be entertainers.

I'm not even supposed to be here today.

It's like a dream come true. When somebody is paying you to talk about yourself, you've won.

I've always kind of ripped from real life to some degree or at least how I'm feeling in the moment. In fact, maybe that's really it. In anything I've ever written, all the characters sound like me, which I don't think is a bad thing.

So I know how I watch movies which is on my laptop, man. And that's how I suspect a lot of people do it.

More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one you never see; it’s the battle that goes on within him or herself.

Indie film isn't dead, it just grew up.

I sympathize far more with heavier people than I ever will with thin. I'll never be thin. Let's be honest.

It's silly that anyone in this world tells you that there are only certain people that can marry you.

In Hollywood you just fail upwards.

Haven't two hundred years of failed missionary work overseas taught anybody anything? You can't convert people to anything - whether religion, or something as inane as our flicks.

Why take life seriously? No one gets out alive anyways.

And the podcasting - I swear to you - on its worst day, the podcasts are better than our best films. Because they're more imaginative, and there's no artifice, and it's far more real.

I'd see movies, comedies, and I loved 'Animal House', I loved all the John Hughes stuff, but I never saw me and my friends totally represented.

It's kind of debatable whether or not the advertisement model is effective. Like whether Nielsen works.

If you're alive, kick into drive. Chase whimsies. See if you can turn dreams into a way to make a living, if not an entire way of life.

In the face of such hopelessness as our eventual, unavoidable death, there is little sense in not at least trying to accomplish all of your wildest dreams in life.

And George Carlin was a guy that the more he aged the younger he seemed.

Generally, I wake up, honestly it's creepy, but I wake up around 4:20.

There's a trick to being whatever you want to be in life. It starts with the simple belief that you are what or who you say you are.

I just love movies, so suddenly, you're political about movies, and that's dark. It's just not fun when something you love becomes calculated.

In anything I've ever written, all the characters sound like me, which I don't think is a bad thing. It makes sense. But I had always admired filmmakers who made movies that didn't sound like them at all.

If you grow up fat, you have to try harder.

I say what other people won't.

You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you. (As Silent Bob)

I didn't get into film to win Academy Awards. I wanted to have a conversation with the audience.

It's a joyful thing, being a Catholic. I can't even think about sex without thinking about bodily waste.

Batman has an impeccable moral compass, he’s clever and mysterious, and when fucktards get sassy, he punches them in the face.

I always wanted to see if I could sell a movie to the public without doing any marketing because my philosophy was like, 'Hey man, I'm reaching my audience everyday. I'm twittering with them. I'm in direct contact with them on the podcast.'

I don't have to write to South West buddy. In an hour South West gonna come looking for me!

Oh, I'm online all the time now. I'm not an outdoorsy type.

I liked hockey, and I still like hockey.

When you're an artist, all you're trying to do is self-express.