"Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man."

"An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out."

"The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth."

"No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."

"Common sense, in so far as it exists, is all for the bourgeoisie. Nonsense is the privilege of the aristocracy. The worries of the world are for the common people."

"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."

"All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform."

"A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward."

"Opening Night: The night before the play is ready to open."

"Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles."

"What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency."

"It may be said that artist and censor differ in this wise: that the first is a decent mind in an indecent body and that the second is an indecent mind in a decent body."

"Art is the sex of the imagination."

"Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work inthe brewery."

"Hollywood is ten million dollars worth of intricate and high ingenious machinery functioning elaborately to put skin on baloney."

"Musicals are to the theater what wines are to a substantial dinner."

"An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut."

"Women, as they grow older, rely more and more on cosmetics. Men, as they grow older, rely more and more on a sense of humor."

"A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to."

"In placing my trade I had no improper information. My transaction was entirely lawful."

"I love all of you from the bottom of my heart, ... and I'm really glad to be back home."

"I'm used to all kinds of hard work, as you know. I'm not afraid whatsoever."

"Many, many people have suffered. People have lost jobs. I am very saddened and very, very sorry for that."

"I look forward to collaborating with Mark... to bring more of our unique blend of original high-quality, educational and inspirational programming to our loyal viewers and new programming to new audiences in prime time next year,"

"[On her reputation for hubris] I have sometimes, probably, forgotten -- and I know I have -- to pat the back of someone or said 'thank you' enough times or maybe even once sometimes, ... I wish I were perfect. I wish I were just the nicest, nicest, nicest person on Earth. But I am a business person....If I were a man no one would ever say that I was arrogant."

"When they were preparing for trial, prosecutors had a responsibility to ask [Agent Stewart] -- 'you didn't write the first report, you didn't sign off on it -- were you there?'"

"I am very interested in entrepreneurial initiative. Wherever I find it, I'm always encouraging it ... and trying to give them good advice, sound advice...."

"The board of directors (at Martha Stewart Living) may be a little nervous"

"to show what Martha Stewart Living was really all about to the broadest possible audience, the kind of executive that I really am and the kind of work we do."

"We tried very hard to choose contestants that would be good for a job at Martha Stewart Living, ... It's not very different from what reality is."

"She's disappointed over feeling like her life was wasted. Everything she did is ignored over something ... trivial, that maybe didn't happen,"

"Take a New Look at Living."

"[He also considered how his sentence on] a young, black woman entertainer ... an older white woman entertainer."

"This is a victory for the little guys ... No one is above the law."

"I didn't cheat the little people. ... We're all little people. I didn't cheat anybody out of anything."

"I am heartsick about my personal legal situation -- and deeply sorry for the pain and difficulties it has caused our employees."

"The Russian dramatist is one who, walking through a cemetery, does not see the flowers on the graves. The American dramatist . . . Does not see the graves under the flowers."

"Drama - what literature does at night."

"I have yet to find a man worth his salt in any direction who did not think of himself first and foremost."

"Great drama is the souvenir of the adventure of a master among the pieces of his own soul."

"Shaw writes plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve."

"Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value."

"The most loyal and faithful woman indulges her imagination in a hypothetical liaison whenever she dons a new street frock for the first time."

"Like everybody else, when I don't know what else to do, I seem to go in for catching colds."

"Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry."

"I drink so the others become interesting."

"The triumph of sugar over diabetes."

"Impersonal criticism?is like an impersonal fist fight or an impersonal marriage, and as successful."

"The dramatic critic who is without prejudice is on the plane with the general who does not believe in taking human life."

"The notion that as a man grows older his illusions leave him is not quite true. What is true is that his early illusions are supplanted by new, and to him, equally convincing illusions."