Film is so immersive.

I have a following, but it's small. I have this level of fame where people spot me in the airport, consistently, but they always think they're the only one who ever has. People will think they win a prize when they recognize me.

Everything about starting out in comedy is pride-swallowing, from handing out fliers to bombing in front of audiences.

You have to be delusional to be a comedian.

How many people do you know who have thrown up on the Scrambler or a carnival ride? A lot of people, is the answer.

The Hollywood model is to develop scripts for 10 years, sell them, transfer them, attach this actor, then attach a director. This isn't what I'm about. I'm much more of a creator and a doer.

I'd much rather try and fail than talk about trying.

Shooting a movie isn't good for a sleep disorder.

Every sleep doctor I've talked to said it was an urban legend that you shouldn't wake up a sleepwalker. All that will happen is that you will get condescended to.

People come to my shows on purpose as opposed to coming to a 'comedy show.' Which was always my goal.

I always have the best story at the party. Anyone telling a story at a party is like, 'No, no, you've got to listen to my story!' I'm like, 'Step aside, everybody. I'm going to blow the doors off this place.'

I gravitated toward stand-up because there's no overhead. I mean, literally, there's no overhead: Often, you're outdoors performing in front of groups of people.

I just don't give off a great first impression.

I've actually always wanted to write like a one-person show that was sort of a romantic comedy - a show that was kind of cynical about romance and marriage but ultimately embraced it. Because I feel like comedy is always cynical, inherently, because it's contrarian.

After I perform 'My Girlfriend's Boyfriend,' it takes a lot out of me emotionally; and, at the end of it, I feel like I know the audience and the audience knows me. It's this weird unspoken bond that we'll kind of always have with each other.

I'm generally so disoriented during the week about what I'm doing and where I am - I travel a lot - that when I'm home on a Sunday, I typically try to sleep in as much as I can.

It sounds so nerdy and pathetic, but what I always do on Sunday afternoon is bring my inbox down to zero, which is so sad. But e-mail has become like homework for adults. I'll have 141 messages from people who will be offended if I don't write back.

Sometimes I take this women's exercise class called Core Fusion at a place called Exhale. I shouldn't say it's a women's class. There's maybe two men.

Sometimes I'll go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of groceries as though I knew how to cook, which I don't, and as though I was going to be home for the next six days, which I won't.

Media is so weird; everything is so accessible now. It used to be this thing where, if you did something on 'This American Life,' this predates me, but when David Sedaris did it, for example, it would just play, people who heard it heard it, and then the book would come out a year later, and people would be like, 'Ahh, I kind of remember that.'

I've found, being in Los Angeles, it's like living in a live-action Planet Hollywood.

Sometimes, occasionally, people will make out in the audience, completely not aware that there's a human being onstage just yards away from them, who can see them. Sometimes people think that you're on television while you're onstage, so you're not even a person.

When I was in college, I wanted to write for 'Late Night With Conan O'Brien,' and I was an intern there.

Prose is all about embellishing and describing.

I always try to attack the most honest issues I can in my comedy.

I just like, when you look at people who have long careers in film, they're able to make films that are far away from themselves, because they're metaphorical. It creates more opportunities, I think.

I was very much a late bloomer. That's not to say that girls didn't express interest in me from time to time, but I just, I did not know how to respond to that.

I love Broadway shows.

I'm proud to welcome the attendees of March for Life 2019, especially those Hoosiers who made the trek to Washington to show their conviction for defending the rights of the unborn. Your passion is inspiring and your advocacy makes a real difference in lives and laws every day.

Americans deserve the right to clean, drinkable water and as we upgrade our aging water infrastructure, and the federal dollars used to supply these systems should not be used to buy unfairly traded Chinese steel.

Safeguarding life at every stage is a solemn responsibility, and one Hoosiers entrusted me to uphold.

Hoosiers sent me to Washington to offer solutions.

During my time growing a company in the private sector, one of my guiding principles was to meet and hear feedback from as many customers as possible.

If the Senate impeachment trial were a real court, all 100 senators would be removed as jurors for bias for or against the president.

While I will never demonize those who disagree with me, the Hoosier values instilled in me from a young age have always inspired me to protect life and the unborn.

In the business world, those who are slow to act and adapt find themselves out of business in a hurry. In Washington, it can take 10 years to get even a good idea across the finish line.

Career politicians in D.C. have shirked their responsibility to us for decades. At every turn, they've kicked the can down the road, pushing the burdens of our problems and our debts onto our children and grandchildren.

President George H.W. Bush was a patriot who served our country in World War II, lead the CIA, an Ambassador to the United Nations, was the Vice President and the Commander and Chief who oversaw the end of the Cold War and successfully led our troops through the Gulf War.

I believe that anybody can cohabitate with whoever they want to, but marriage to me is, you know, between a man and a woman and I'm not going to be afraid to say it.

As a small-business owner who kept costs low and health care premiums flat for 10 years in my company, I know firsthand that transparency is the trick to reducing the skyrocketing health care costs that are burdening patients, employers, and our state, local, and federal governments.

As a logistics entrepreneur who has created hundreds of American jobs, I will make sure the National Highway bill improves our infrastructure, while ensuring that products used and jobs created from this legislation are made in the U.S.A.

I implore my Democratic colleagues to disregard the extreme voices of the abortion industry and radical pro-choice activists in favor of the loud, clear voice of the American people: Late-term abortion is a step too far, and post-birth abortion is horrifying.

I've always been a believer that if you're not interested in talking to the media, you shouldn't be running for Senate in the first place, or you're kind of missing out on one of the key components is to get your message out of what you want to do.

I don't think congressmen and senators ought to be getting pensions when nobody else does.

For an entrepreneur who has spent his entire career creating jobs, I can assure you that leaving my business to help President Trump confirm conservative judges is well worth my decision to run for office and a great use of the Senate's time, given how dysfunctional Washington can be.

The key to survival is that when times are good you don't forget where you came from and you don't build crazy overhead just because you can. You live like you are going out of business every day and it makes you healthy.

Susan Brooks is a hard-working public servant who has spent her career fighting for Hoosiers. In Congress, she was the first woman from Indiana to chair a committee, and has become one of the most effective lawmakers in Washington: her dedicated work on behalf of her constituents and our state will be missed.

Student loan origination fees are nothing more than a hidden tax that burdens students.

Hoosiers deserve a straightforward approach about information regarding blocked railroad crossings and I commend the Federal Railroad Administration's willingness to work with all parties involved on this important issue.

As a former entrepreneur who left Main Street to help President Trump drain the swamp of corruption in Washington, I'm proud to spearhead the Payment Integrity Information Act of 2019 which will reduce billions of dollars of improper payments from the federal government.