“Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.”

“Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog.”

“If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.”

“She remained both girl and woman to the last day of her life. Under a grave and gentle exterior burned inextinguishable fires of sympathy, energy, devotion, enthusiasm, and absolutely limitless affection.”

“All I care to know about a man is that he is a human being... he can't be any worse.”

“I can last two months on a good compliment.”

“There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer them, or turn them into literature.”

“It is easier to stay out than to get out.”

“Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.”

“Good judgement is the result of experience and experience the result of bad judgement.”

“Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.”

“What is joy without sorrow? what is success without failure? what is a win without a loss? what is health without illness? you have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other. there is always going to be suffering. it’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.”

“It's not what you don't know that kills you, it's what you know for sure that ain't true.”

“You can't reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.”

“Human pride is not worthwhile; there is always something lying in wait to take the wind out of it.”

“December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.”

I think a generation ago, dads went to work, they came home, and they had their dinner, had a drink, and then went to bed. I don't know what it was like in your house, but that is how it was in mine. I think it is cool to have the dads in the trenches and doing the real parenting work.

It is not weird for a dad to be doing the dishes, the laundry, and taking the kids to school, and read them stories for bed.

I adore doing comedy, I think it's fantastic. I never saw myself doing exclusively comedy.

“I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you have earned but not greed to want to take somebody else's money.” 

“It’s amazing how much panic one honest man can spread among a multitude of hypocrites. ” 

“People who pride themselves on their "complexity" and deride others for being "simplistic" should realize that the truth is often not very complicated. What gets complex is evading the truth.” 

“The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics.” 

“Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good.” 

“The problem isn't that Johnny can't read. The problem isn't even that Johnny can't think. The problem is that Johnny doesn't know what thinking is; he confuses it with feeling.” 

“Intellect is not wisdom.” 

“Some of the biggest cases of mistaken identity are among intellectuals who have trouble remembering that they are not God.” 

“Racism does not have a good track record. It's been tried out for a long time and you'd think by now we'd want to put an end to it instead of putting it under new management. 

“It is amazing that people who think we cannot afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, and medication somehow think that we can afford to pay for doctors, hospitals, medication and a government bureaucracy to administer it.” 

“Despite a voluminous and often fervent literature on "income distribution," the cold fact is that most income is not distributed: It is earned.” 

“Socialism is a wonderful idea. It is only as a reality that it has been disastrous. Among people of every race, color, and creed, all around the world, socialism has led to hunger in countries that used to have surplus food to export.... Nevertheless, for many of those who deal primarily in ideas, socialism remains an attractive idea -- in fact, seductive. Its every failure is explained away as due to the inadequacies of particular leaders. ” 

“The fact that the market is not doing what we wish it would do is no reason to automatically assume that the government would do better.” 

“Socialism in general has a record of failure so blatant that only an intellectual could ignore or evade it.” 

“There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.” 

“Freedom has cost too much blood and agony to be relinquished at the cheap price of rhetoric.” 

“Bailing out people who made ill-advised mortgages makes no more sense that bailing out people who lost their life savings in Las Vegas casinos.” 

“Since this is an era when many people are concerned about 'fairness' and 'social justice,' what is your 'fair share' of what someone else has worked for?” 

“Can you cite one speck of hard evidence of the benefits of "diversity" that we have heard gushed about for years? Evidence of its harm can be seen — written in blood — from Iraq to India, from Serbia to Sudan, from Fiji to the Philippines. It is scary how easily so many people can be brainwashed by sheer repetition of a word.” 

“Unfortunately, the real minimum wage is always zero, regardless of the laws, and that is the wage that many workers receive in the wake of the creation or escalation of a government-mandated minimum wage, because they lose their jobs or fail to find jobs when they enter the labor force. Making it illegal to pay less than a given amount does not make a worker’s productivity worth that amount—and, if it is not, that worker is unlikely to be employed.” 

“The most basic question is not what is best, but who shall decide what is best.” 

“Competition does a much more effective job than government at protecting consumers.” 

“One of the consequences of such notions as ‘entitlements’ is that people who have contributed nothing to society feel that society owes them something, apparently just for being nice enough to grace us with their presence.” 

“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.” 

“If politicians stopped meddling with things they don't understand, there would be a more drastic reduction in the size of government than anyone in either party advocates.” 

“Rhetoric is no substitute for reality.” 

“When people get used to preferential treatment, equal treatment seems like discrimination.” 

“What is history but the story of how politicians have squandered the blood and treasure of the human race?” 

“What sense would it make to classify a man as handicapped because he is in a wheelchair today, if he is expected to be walking again in a month, and competing in track meets before the year is out? Yet Americans are generally given 'class' labels on the basis of their transient location in the income stream. If most Americans do not stay in the same broad income bracket for even a decade, their repeatedly changing 'class' makes class itself a nebulous concept. Yet the intelligentsia are habituated, if not addicted, to seeing the world in class terms.” 

“Virtually no idea is too ridiculous to be accepted, even by very intelligent and highly educated people, if it provides a way for them to feel special and important. Some confuse that feeling with idealism.”